


The Wind Blows Whispering Secret

by Annie_Is_A_Contranym



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, M/M, M/M Sex, Sexual Content, Wolfen/Wolves, semi-graphic depictions of violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-25 17:51:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Is_A_Contranym/pseuds/Annie_Is_A_Contranym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>15 years after Castiel cuts all ties with his pack, his Alpha, Dean, tracks him down needing his help. The broken addict he finds though is nothing like the Cas Dean had been in love with and Castiel was much too damaged by his love affair with Dean to want to face what happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be a DeanCasBigBang submission but I dropped out. The first 10 chapters were posted on another forum but I quit that. Hmm...sensing a pattern here. 
> 
> I promised to finish it so in an effort to renew my commitment I'm posting the 10 chapters with the hopes that it will prompt me to finish the story. 
> 
> If you've read these before, I'm hoping to update at least twice a week until it's done. If you haven't read these yet, I hope you enjoy it enough to want me to continue nd let me know. Here goes.....

 

" _This place is not my home_

_I'm just passing right on through_

_This world is a blur rushing by me_

_I'm running from, running to, running past you._

_This world is not my own_

_There is no place that I belong to_

_This place is not my home_

_I'm running from, running to, running past you..."_

Castiel let his voice linger on the last word of the song, drawing it out until it was nothing more than a hum, a vibration echoing through his body. Eyes closed, the sound came up from inside him, filling him until it blocked out the gentle strains of the guitar, the sounds of the crowd offering up their appreciation, the clinking of glasses at the bar off to the side of the room. There was nothing but Castiel and the purity of the note. Then it was gone. He put the guitar down, opened his eyes and real life came flooding back to him. He hated real life.

He nodded his thanks to the band before getting up and thanking the crowd. Patting down his pockets in search of a joint, he quickly made his way to the back of the club, desperately in need of something to push the emotions back into their cages. He felt edgy; more so than usual. The demons he'd spent the last 15 years hiding from somehow seemed very present in the room to him. He needed some air. He needed something.

As the backdoor closed behind him, Castiel felt a moment of panic as he realized that he must have left his stash back at the apartment. ‘ _Apartment’._ Castiel smirked every time he called his tiny studio an apartment. It was nothing more than a room with a bathroom really. It wasn't even his. It was on loan and had been for the past three years from a previous lover who still carried a soft spot for him. Every once in a while the owner would turn up to collect the rent in the form of a weekend haze of sex, drugs and music. Sated, the man would leave and Castiel would be free for a few months until the next visit. He supposed he could move out and get a place of his own. What he was doing could be regarded by some as a form of prostitution though he did not consider himself a whore; A slut definitely but never a whore. The club paid him a fair wage for his performances but if he had to pay rent, he'd not be able to afford his supply of 'meds'. Then it wouldn't be long before he was actually selling his body to anyone for a quick hit. No…this way he could be a little more discerning.

He rifled through his wallet wondering if he had enough cash to score some 'ames'- amyl nitrite. One of the guys on the kitchen staff could always be counted on to have something available for sale. He spied a tiny tablet in plastic in the zippered change pocket though and smiled. Popping it under his tongue, he leaned back against the brick wall.

The alley was quiet with only the bass of the dance music from inside the club punching its way through into the night air. There was a slight chill to the air and Castiel wrapped his arms around himself, more in anticipation of the drug kicking in rather than the effect of the cooler temperature. He rolled his neck and his lips curled just the tiniest bit, into the barest of smiles as a wave of relaxation hit his muscles. He felt boneless. He could feel his heart slowing down as his blood pressure plummeted. He slid down the wall into a sitting position, his legs stretched out in front of him. A sheen of warmth coated his skin and spread throughout him. Once again the world faded away, leaving only an awareness of himself as a wave of celestial light floating through the universe. He let his light flow as far as he could for as long as he could.

Then came the sensation of touch. There were hands touching his light; caressing him. He could feel the softness of a palm sliding over him, shaping his unbound light into form. He became semi-aware as his form solidified into skin into a being and the echo of a hum became the voice of another calling his name.

"Castiel." The voice was urgent but gentle. "Castiel? Come back to me."

_Dean?_ He wondered in a moment of weakness but his eyes became focused and he could see that the face hovering over his own was simply Luis's. He'd met Luis about two years ago and although he was more than a decade older than the youth, they'd become fast friends and occasional lovers. Luis was probably the only person he knew who actually cared about him. He didn't care about anyone anymore but sometimes he wished he could still love. Sometimes he wished that he could love this young man. He'd probably be happy if he could.

In a wave of uncharacteristic tenderness, he grabbed the back of the neck of the stooping man and pulled his face in, taking his mouth in a passionate kiss. Luis, if he was surprised that the usually reticent Castiel was initiating, he didn't show it, but returned the kiss with all the affection and desire he carried for Castiel. He cupped Castiel's face with his hands and Castiel grabbed him by the belt and pulled him down on his lap.

Luis broke the kiss laughing and pulled away, getting up and dusting himself off.

"Oh no," he said as he took Castiel by the arm and pulled him up to standing. "I am not rolling around in a back alley with you. I think bathroom stalls are about as far as I'll go."

Castiel swayed on his feet, falling into Luis's open arms. His head hurt and he felt slightly nauseous but Luis was looking at him with laughter in his eyes and not an ounce of judgment for yet again finding him high and on the verge of passing out on the dirty floor of some public place. It was moments like this when he most wished he could feel something, anything for this man. Luis deserved so much more. He leaned back against the wall for support and placing his hands on Luis's hips, he pulled the younger man flush against him.

Luis buried his face in the curve of Castiel's neck and stayed there a moment. He could feel Castiel's breath against his ear.

"Luis," Castiel whispered.

Luis ignored him and tried to burrow deeper into Castiel.

"Luis, look at me," Castiel tried again.

Luis ignored him because he knew what was coming next. He knew Castiel didn't love him; couldn't love him. Most days Castiel didn't care about anything. He'd take everything Luis had to offer and then forget that he was there next to him before the sweat had even cooled on their naked skin. He'd move on to the next distraction, drug, woman or man; sometimes all of them at the same time. But Luis was patient. He'd never known his father and he'd have to wait out the expiry date of his mother's lovers to get any of her attention. Luis was very good at waiting. He'd wait for Castiel to fall apart and then he'd pick up the pieces, put them together and Castiel would be his until the older man could self-destruct again.

Luis didn't care that Castiel would seek some missing piece of his soul in every source of pleasure he could find, buy or seduce. He loved him. Castiel had taken him under his wing when he was desperately trying to come to terms with being young, alone and gay in a world that was more cruel than kind. He may have started out as some sort of pet to Castiel but he knew he was more than that now. Castiel, in his own way, cared for him. Which is why every once in a while, Castiel would have these moments of what he called clarity and common sense. In those moments, he tried to get Luis to leave him. Luis had heard the speeches before and he knew his lover well enough to know that Castiel was at the point where he needed more than Luis could provide and that soon he'd have to pick up the pieces of Castiel's spirit again.

Castiel gripped Luis's chin and turned his face up. Desperate to stave off the words he could see in the older man's eyes, Luis claimed Castiel's mouth, pushing his tongue in as if to force the words back down his throat. Castiel let him, not having the energy to pursue his weak attempts at nobility. He began to kiss back fervently. Luis began to trail kisses along Castiel's jaw and then down his neck. He undid the buttons of Castiel's shirt, peppering the newly uncovered skin with kisses and licks. He made his way down, down, down and began to work feverishly at unbuckling Castiel's belt and the top button.

A menacing growl suddenly emanating from the darkness froze them both. Luis stood up straight and peered into the dark places in the back alley.

"Did you hear that?" he asked Castiel. "Shit, I swear it sounded just like a wolf?"

Castiel shrugged casually.

"Don't be ridiculous." His tone was almost bored. "There're no wolves in the inner city."

Luis raised an eyebrow at Castiel before peering round the alley again.

"I didn't say it was a wolf," he said, "Just that it sounded like one."

There were some errant night noises breaking the silence in the alley but no more growling. Luis relaxed. Maybe he imagined it.

Castiel suddenly spun Luis around by the shoulder. He looked him in the eye and spoke in an urgent hushed tone.

"Go inside Luis." He shook his head as Luis opened his mouth to argue. "Listen to me and listen well. You need to go back inside. Now. You can come by my place in the morning or if you want, go there now. I just need you to leave here right now."

Luis looked at Castiel as if he hadn't a clue as to what Castiel was talking about. He didn't. Castiel must be crazy if he thought he was leaving him out here alone. For some reason Luis was feeling very creeped out.

"You should listen to him." The voice, dark and menacing, came from behind Luis. "Leave. Now."

Luis knew he should turn around to check out the newcomer but his eyes were trapped, looking at the way Castiel was staring at whoever it was. There were emotions there in Castiel's eyes that Luis had never witnessed before. Who was this?

He turned his head slowly around to find that the man was looking at Castiel in exactly the same way. Castiel and the stranger stared at each other as if there was no one else in the world but them; as if there was no world outside of their gaze. _Who was this?_

"Hey Cas," the man offered softly, intimately.

Luis spun around to face Castiel once more.

"Cas?" he asked. "Who is this? I thought you said that no one called you Cas?"

Without breaking his gaze from the other man, Castiel responded, "That's exactly who he is - No one."

A small growl rumbled out of the man at Castiel's response. Tearing his eyes away from Castiel, the stranger's gaze settled on Luis. Where his look had been soft when on Castiel, his stare at Luis was hard and threatening. The stranger took a step toward Luis, prompting Castiel to put his hand out in a gesture for stop.

"No." Castiel said. "He's leaving. Just give me a minute."

Castiel led Luis to the back door of the club and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

"Go Luis, I'll be fine." Castiel assured him. "He may hurt you but he'd never lay a finger on me. Wait for me at home. I'll be there soon."

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the key for his place and gave it Luis. Luis took it and then with a long hard look at the unknown man once more, he kissed Castiel possessively before disappearing into the club.

Castiel sighed and took a minute to himself before turning around. He wasn't truly surprised to see him. He'd been seeing the wolf peeking out at him from the shadows for over a week now. He'd simply attributed it to being a side effect of his recreational drug use. Apparently he'd been more sober than he'd been giving himself credit for. Shoring up whatever brain cells he had that weren't still under the influence, he turned around to face the man.

He was as handsome as Cas remembered. There were a few more laugh lines around his eyes and he looked older, broader and sterner than Castiel remembered but it was still him. To just be standing in front of him, Castiel felt a rush of bliss that was better than any drug had ever provided. _Happiness? Is that what it was?_ On the heels of that feeling though, came the reality that Cas hated; the remembrance of things that required a medicinal numbness to survive. Fuck. He needed something so bad. He needed to get rid of his ability to feel.

Alright then...if the only way through it is actually through it, the sooner this was over the better.

"Hello Alpha," he said with just a hint of sarcasm. He'd left the pack and his Alpha a long time ago. He'd never shifted, not even once, in all that time.

The other man flinched at the greeting. "My name."

"What?" Castiel asked not understanding what the other man meant.

"My name," he repeated. "Say my name Cas."

Castiel hesitated. It had been 15 years since he'd last said that name out loud. He wasn't sure what it would do to him to say it now.

The two men eyed each other for a while in silence as Castiel struggled with himself over saying the name. The Alpha just waited him out.

Cas sighed with resignation and with the complete tiredness of a post high awareness. Tilting his head in a questioning way, as if he couldn't understand why the man would want to hear Castiel say his name, he greeted the man once more.

"Hello Dean."

 

* * *

The wolf beneath his skin bristled and surged at the sound of his name in that voice, from those lips. Though he heard it regularly in his dreams and fantasies, it had been a decade and a half since he had it from the source and it was doing things to his body that he could barely control. He could feel his wolf rise up in a claim for dominance and he fought hard to push him back down. Dean Winchester, Alpha and Packmaster, was known throughout the Wolfen community for his iron clad control but that was because in all his time as Alpha, he'd never had to face his past. He'd never had to see his reflection in the eyes of this particular man…Until now.

His resolve to make his request and be done with it weakened as he looked at Cas – this drugged up, burnt out miserable excuse for the bright eyed angel in Dean's memories. Sensing his hesitation, the wolf energy burst forward and Dean could feel the change coming over him. The wolf was angry. Dean wasn't sure if the anger was directed at Cas for the way he desecrated his body or if it was meant for Dean himself for waffling. With a single minded focus, he shoved back with his consciousness, effectively battling with himself. He couldn't let his wolf out. Not now. He knew what would happen if he did.

"Dean?" Cas called out softly.

He sounded concerned and it was enough to give the wolf pause. Dean pulled himself together and turned to Cas. As he watched the broken yet beautiful man before him, his wolf whimpered and Dean agreed. Cas didn't deserve what was coming.


	2. Chapter 2

_The summer Dean turned thirteen he snuck in to a secret Pack Council meeting. He'd been racing around the settlement when his wolf noticed the elders heading into the main hall where his dad the Alpha held sessions on certain days. At these sessions members of the pack could address the Alpha directly, making known their concerns and problems and the Alpha, John, would provide solutions. Dean loved going to these sessions. Cubs weren't generally allowed at these sessions but Dean would sneak in and hide behind furniture or up in the rafters, taking care to be downwind to hide his scent. There were times he was sure his dad was on to him but John never said anything._

_That particular day was not a day for council sessions so the gathering was unusual. The council was in the midst of an argument by the time Dean got there. Dean settled in behind a bookshelf, peeking out at the group. His dad was sitting in his usual chair just listening to both sides. The argument was centered on what to do with an unexpected bundle one of the elders had chanced upon. The bundle seemed to be in the middle of the elder circle but Dean couldn't see what it was exactly._

" _It's too dangerous John." That was from Rufus a close hunting partner. "If we are caught in possession of these two, it will mean war and quite possibly a war we can't win."_

_Dean's Uncle Bobby harrumphed. "But what's the alternative, ya idjit? Putting them back where Ellen found them? That'd be like leaving a meal out for some of those animals out there."_

_Rufus shook his head at Bobby. Turning to John he continued to plead, "Alpha, you are responsible for the wellbeing of every member of this pack. If you hang on to them, you  put us all at risk. Don’t do this. I’m begging you, as a council member and as your friend."_

_Ellen had been tending to whatever the packages were, but she suddenly stood up and faced the elders. In addition to John, Rufus Turner and Bobby Singer, there was Jodie Mills, Frank Deveraux and Dean's Grandpa, Samuel Campbell. She turned and looked at each of them before speaking._

" _The pack has moved on and left these two for dead. My team has scouted the area for miles beyond our usual perimeter with no lingering traces of their tribe. If they were concerned, they'd still be trying to find them. The bodies we found with them had been killed no more than twenty four hours. We cannot return them to the wild. It would be the equivalent of murder. They do not have the skills to protect themselves. They will not survive long enough to become adults. Could you live with yourselves if you turn them away? Is this what we want to teach our young ones? For God's sake people, they are CHILDREN!"_

_His wolf jumped with that final shout and he knocked over the shelf he'd been hiding behind. Lifting his head slowly, the young wolf could see that everyone had turned to look at him, including a little redheaded girl. A boy, who had been with her, took one look at Dean and shifted into the most beautiful wolf Dean had ever seen. He was covered in black fur with a smattering of dark grey that looked like silver ripples. Dean had always been proud of his own brown that captured every shade from blonde to dark brown but this guy’s fur was really something. It was the eyes however that hit Dean right in the gut. They were electric blue, shockingly bright against all that dark hair. Dean's wolf did not hesitate but launched himself at the new young wolf who had positioned himself in front of the redhead as if to protect her. Dean bounded right up to newcomer and began to sniff at him. The dark young wolf looked at Dean and seemingly recognizing something in Dean, rubbed his head up against Dean's before lowering himself on his haunches as if in submission to Dean._

_The young wolf barked at the young girl (Dean later found out that she was his sister) and she too transformed into her inner wolf. She mimicked her brother's stance._

_Reaching out with his mind, Dean asked the new wolf, "Your name? What is your name?"_

_He did not expect an answer because the Wolfen tribe that they belonged to could only mind-speak with their Alpha and with their mate. Dean was neither to the newcomers so he was stunned when he heard, as clear as if the young wolf had spoken out loud,_

" _Castiel. I am called Castiel."_

_He let out a yelp before looking at the girl wolf. She was also incredibly beautiful with her fur the colour of a sunset. They looked at each other but he could hear nothing. She trotted over him and rubbed her snout against his in a gesture of affection. Instinctively Dean returned the gesture and without realizing it, Dean had accepted responsibility, according to Wolfen customs, for these two young wolves – a boy who looked to be the same age as Dean and the girl a couple years younger._

_The adults who had been watching in curious silence were startled by the loud dragging sounds of John's chair._

" _It is settled then," he announced before walking out of the room, looking for all the world as if the situation were far from it._

…..

Castiel slid out of bed slowly, careful not to wake the sleeping Luis. Slipping on a pair of sweats over his naked torso, he grabbed his pack of cigarettes and his lighter and headed out on the fire escape for a much needed smoke. Sitting crossed legged on the metal frame, he quietly half closed the window behind him and lit up. He took a long deep drag on the cigarette and exhaled slowly. He took another, and held it in for a few seconds this time before slowly breathing out the smoke through his nostrils. He leaned back against the brick and looked up at the sky.

In the distance he could hear a wolf howling mournfully.

_Fuck you Dean_ , he thought. _Fuck you for everything. I'm done with you and your lies and your pack._

He thought back to their encounter in the alley behind the club earlier that night. There had been a time he would have done anything for Dean Winchester. There had been a time when he did do anything and everything for Dean Winchester but that was back when he was part of the pack. He wasn't anymore. He wasn't 'Cas' any longer. He was barely even Castiel anymore.

Castiel didn't want to think about all the things he wasn't so he tried to focus on his cigarette. Dean's visit however, had upset the fragile balance he'd found in his music and his drugs. How did Dean find him? The reason Castiel hadn't shifted since he left the pack wasn't simply because he'd cut ties with the pack. It was because their wolves were so interconnected that Dean would have been able zero in on his location in a heartbeat. Dean would also have been aware of more than Castiel wanted him aware of.

Even tonight, in human form, it seemed as if Dean could read him; as though there wasn't a decade and a half of distance between them. Dean had looked at him the way only Dean could and he'd been happy and aroused. Dean could smell it on him.

"You smell good Cas," Dean had said hungrily. "You smell almost like you did back then."

"If I do, it's left over from what you interrupted."

Castiel still took the slightest bit of pleasure at the angry growl that was Dean's response to that statement. It was good to know he still had some effect on the wolf if not the man.

"Why are you here Dean?" he'd asked. "What do you want?"

Dean walked up to Cas, pushing him back, until Cas was pressed right up against the wall. Dean nuzzled his nose into Cas's neck and inhaled deep. Instinctively Cas began to bare his neck to the Alpha before catching himself and pushing Dean away.

"Fuck off Dean. I don't belong to your pack." Castiel was angry and just a little afraid by then; Angry that his body betrayed him so easily and afraid because his body was betraying him so easily. Dean Winchester was the one person on the planet that he could not fuck, would not fuck.

Dean dragging a hand through his hair had had the decency to look contrite.

"Sorry Cas,' he'd offered. "My wolf still thinks….what it thinks. It still feels…"

"Not my problem," Castiel interrupted.

"No," Dean had agreed. "It's not but there is a problem that is yours and I'm here to ask you to deal with it."

Dean had told him he needed to go back. Dean wanted him to go back to the pack and deal with things he was completely unprepared to deal with. He fucking hated Dean Winchester; Turning up here, asking the impossible and then melting into the darkness leaving him angry and aroused.

Cas had come back to his place ready to break things. Luis had left the door unlocked for him and was about to climb into bed when Castiel walked in. Castiel took one look at the young man and stalked over to him. There was no tenderness, only a rough desperate search for physical release and emotional oblivion. After Luis fell asleep, naked, sore, spent and curled into the blanket, Castiel just lay there in the darkness, still edgy.

He’d contemplated doping up but opted for a cigarette instead. Some inner part of him wanted him clear headed. So clear headed he was, even if he was sitting on a fire escape at three in the morning wondering _What next_?

Tossing his cigarette butt into the street below, he climbed back into the room, taking a long look at Luis before heading into the bathroom for a shower.

If he packed light, he could be on his way to the tribe before Luis woke up.


	3. Chapter 3

It took Castiel three days to get to the little town of White Oaks up in the mountains. The Wolfen settlement was nothing more than a series of cabins scattered in the woods just outside of the town. The town contained a fair blend of all human and of Wolfen inhabitants. Because of the harmony between the two groups, a number of other tribes had also settled within travelling distance of White Oaks.

He took the bus part of the way, hitched part of the way; and when he had no other option he walked part of the way. He did not go directly into the town or the settlement but instead headed to the little cabin left to him by his foster dad. Mr. Jones had taken in both him and his sister when the pack decided to keep them. He was a good father and Castiel was glad that his foster dad had passed away the year before Cas left, and so never saw him cut ties with the Winchesters.

Standing outside the cabin, almost afraid to go in, to step back into a life that was now alien to him, Castiel felt a surge of energy ripple through him. He stumbled forward with the force of it.

_What the hell?_ He thought.

It surged through him again and he instinctively pushed back at it before realizing what it was. _His Wolf!_ Cas hadn't felt his wolf energy in over ten years. When he left the pack, his wolf fought him on it, struggling to take dominance and take them back to Dean. It took everything Castiel had in him to resist. Then when he sought escape in drugs, the wolf was fighting Cas for its survival. When the drug use made Cas numb, the wolf was caged. Cas was numb a lot back then. Cas was numb a lot still. Eventually the wolf energy ceased to make itself known. There had been times when Castiel had wondered if he'd managed to kill his wolf but of course he hadn't. Cas wouldn't be alive if he had.

Wolfen tribes were different from other were-creatures and shifters in that the energy that transformed them into wolves was separate from their human consciousness. Cas remembered his mother once explaining that it was as if there were two beings sharing a single physical form in a symbiotic relationship. The wolves made the humans stronger with enhanced senses and the humans allowed the wolves to overcome physical limitations and gave them increased brain function. It was not like demon possession where the demons took full control of the human body and mind. Instead it was a sharing of themselves; both their consciousness recognizing that their survival was dependant on each other. She’d taught him that his wolf was his friend and his guide. If he trusted his wolf, his wolf would protect him. But there were times when it was his responsibility to counsel his wolf wisely. Theirs was a shared life.

Castiel's wolf had been leading him back to the pack so Cas silenced him with a prolonged drug induced disconnection. His wolf hadn't made a sound in years. Yet standing now in front of the old cabin, his wolf was shouting; he wanted to go home. The bursts of energy Cas felt were very much the Wolf trying to get out.

Making his way into the cabin, he could see that nothing had been moved or changed since he was last there. Someone had been cleaning regularly; that was apparent by the lack of dust that should have accumulated over the years. _Probably Anna_ he thought, though she was never one for cleaning. He'd always been the meticulous one back then. He did a walk through before dropping his backpack on the bed in the main bedroom. The cabin was his and it was chockfull of memories of happier times. He could feel his Wolf's joy though he could not share it. There were bad memories as well as good and though they may have been fewer in number, they were bigger, overshadowing any pleasure Cas could feel emotionally. He couldn't help the relief he felt that his Wolf, now that he was back, was too weak to shift.

Speaking of weak, Castiel was also feeling pretty burnt out. He got himself a glass of tap water, downed a couple of "specials" and collapsed on the bed.

.

.

_The teens were all huddled around the campfire. Dean and Cas were next to each other, shoulders touching, leaning against a log. Jo, Anna, Charlie and Jess were sitting cross-legged whilst Ash and a couple of the boys spread out making up the rest of the circle._

_Ash had been lying flat on his back when he suddenly lifted up and turned to Cas._

_"Hey Cas," he called. "Tell us a story from your wolf pack."_

_Dean growled, causing everyone to look at him._

_"This is Cas's pack." His voice was firm. "He is as much a part of this pack as you are. Don't you ever think otherwise."_

_Cas chuckled and ducked his head. "He didn't mean anything Dean. He just meant before I came here."_

_Looking over at Ash, Cas leaned forward._

_"I do have a tale to tell," he began. "I'm not sure how much truth there is to it but my parents believed in it."_

_"There is a legend of the Angel Wolf; an angel who was unhappy with his fellow celestial beings, decided to leave heaven and make his home here on earth. I've heard that it was none other than the Archangel Gabriel, fed up with the Angels versus Demons drama. Remember, that Lucifer was still Gabriel’s brother and he loved him dearly, and so he was torn in the battle between Lucifer and his other brother Michael, whom he also loved. Unwilling to take sides, Gabriel hid here on earth._

_At first Gabriel took many forms, constantly moving from place to place, trying to stay below the radar of those angels looking to drag him back into the fray. Then he met a shifter, a young wolf named Kali and he fell in love. He assumed wolf form and lived many happy years with Kali as his wife. Those years were numbered though. The angels found him. The demons also found him as they had been tracking Angel activity._

_There was an epic battle as the Angels tried to force his return to Heaven and the Demons tried to kill him. Killing an archangel would have been quite a victory in their war. As Gabriel resisted on both fronts, the wolves stood with him, protecting his freedom of choice. Many lives were lost. The Angels and demons were used to this but the wolves were not. As Gabriel realized that the family he had adopted was being decimated because of his choices, he sacrificed himself in a maneuver that destroyed all the angels and demons present on the battle field but saved all the wolves._

_When the smoke cleared, there were bodies strewn everywhere and the wolves searched the carnage for Gabriel's but could find none. Kali, who had proven to be a valiant warrior, was beside herself with grief. She refused to leave the battlefield, preferring to die in the same clearing as her husband._

_Suddenly a blinding white shard of light appeared and booming voice was heard. The wolves did not know whose voice it was but it spoke of their bravery and loyalty. The Light Being was pleased with their service to Gabriel and it told them that even though Gabriel was no more, it would reward them with the continuity of the Angel Wolf in their lineage. A beam of light split from the Being and shot straight into Kali's body, lifting her off the ground and arching her body backwards with its force._

_The Light Being pulled the baby from her as a ball of energy, and tossed it into the air She had been pregnant you see. Gabriel's child was in her womb. The energy changed into a million snowflakes and rained on the wolves. The Light Being told the wolves that every generation or so, a special wolf would be born into their pack. This wolf would have special gifts that would greatly benefit and strengthen the pack. They would not know into whose family this wolf come but would recognize the wolf when the time was right. And so it was. There are other stories of these Angel Wolf descendants scattered through the pack but we'll save them for other nights."_

_Castiel smiled as he finished his story. He looked at Anna who was smiling at him in return. It was one of her favourite bedtime stories as a child. Her brother was excellent at telling it._

_"What happened to Kali?" Jo asked. "I mean it took her child away and everything. What became of her?"_

_"She became a Hindu warrior Goddess." Anna responded._

_"What?" Jo was flabbergasted._

_"Anna, stop." Castiel laughed at his sister. "There is a Hindu Goddess named Kali who is a fearsome warrior but there is nothing to say that they're the same. The Light Being took Kali with it when it left as she did not want to be without her husband."_

_"I don't get the child thing," Dean said to Castiel. "If it's not passed down from parent to child, how does the angel gene get from one kid to the next?"_

_Cas tilted his head as he tried to find the right words to explain._

_"I think….and this is what my mother told me…that angel energy is called their "grace". The grace only appears when there is a suitable match. You have to be destined to be an Angel Wolf. It's not random and it is not genetic."_

_The kids shot question after question about the legend to Castiel and Anna. In the bushes, a little way from the campfire, Bobby stood next to John._

_"You believe all that?" he asked._

_John nodded._

_"Why in tarnation would you ever believe that bs? It's just a story John." Bobby's voice was hushed but urgent. "I've seen the way you been watching them twins ever since they got here. You've had suspicions all along, haven't you?"_

_Without taking his eyes off the group in the distance, John replied in equally hushed tones._

_"Dean's been able to mind speak with the boy since the moment they got here. He's started mind-speaking with the girl as well. You want to tell me that you haven't noticed the way Dean heals from injuries faster if they are in his presence? Dean has been growing stronger, faster, and able to do things he shouldn't yet. I know my boy. Something is triggering this in him."_

_John turned to look Bobby in the eye._

_"I think we have an Angel Wolf in our pack. I think it's the boy but it could be the girl affecting them both. We've got a chance here Bobby to do something great for our pack. I just need to figure out what that is exactly."_

.

.

Cas was groggy and half awake. He heard the bedroom door open but unable to lift his head, he just turned it to the side to get a look at the visitor. His vision as still blurry but he could make out that shape anywhere.

"Dean," he whispered. Only it wasn't now Dean. It was Dean from his past.

Teenage Dean walked up to the bed.

"Castiel?" he asked. "Is that you? You're back?"

Cas smiled and closed his eyes. This was the best trip ever if he got to go back in time. He felt the bed dip as Teenage Dean sat next to his head. He turned his head and slowly opened his eyes to once again see the face he loved so much. Teenage Dean wasn't looking at him but at the door, as if someone else may walk in. Castiel still drank in the sight of young Dean.

Teenage Dean slowly looked back at Castiel and Castiel felt his stomach lurch. Bile pushed its way up his throat and he had to roll over, puking all over the bed sheets. He felt the light touch of the boy behind him on his arm. This wasn't a trip. This kid who looked exactly like Dean was real but his eyes weren't the green shade that Castiel adored. They were the exact same colour as Castiel's.


	4. Chapter 4

_He was running. Hard. The trees and shrubs of the woods flew by Dean in a blur. His wolf artfully darted through the greenery in search of his prey and there was not a doubt in his mind that he'd be successful in the hunt. Dean could feel the adrenaline coursing through his wolf; the excitement of the chase and the zing of anticipation._

_At 16, Dean's wolf was the fastest in the pack. He had yet to be beaten in any of the training exercises they regularly engaged in. Dean was also the quietest. It didn't matter how fast he was running, how hard he was pushing himself; you never heard him coming. These two skills made him the best hunter in the pack, beating out the training and experience of those wiser and more experienced. In his heart however, Dean knew that Castiel was faster. Castiel just refused to best Dean at anything._

_There were times as Alpha heir apparent that Dean was grateful for Cas's restraint. It felt good to please his father when he came out on top. He enjoyed the pride his father felt in him. Dean never wanted to disappoint John. Then there were time like these when it was just him and Cas, one on one, racing through the forest, when Cas would just open up and it would feel like Cas had wings with the way he was flying ahead of Dean._

_Dean enjoyed these times the best. His Wolf relished the honest challenge, the chance to really test himself against Castiel. Dean and his wolf had to work together to win. Brute strength could not force victory over Cas but cunning could and Dean was street smart where his Wolf and Cas were not._

_Castiel was steadfast and loyal and just a tad bit predictable. Having spent almost every waking moment of the last three years with Cas, Dean was pretty solid when it came to predicting his reactions. He knew what Cas liked and didn't like. He knew how he reacted when he felt threatened and where Cas felt safe. He knew Cas's fears, hopes, dreams and flaws. Their wolves were connected to the point where Dean had been inside Castiel's mind, felt his emotions and shared his knowledge. (That last bit had allowed Dean to avoid studying for the past year, opting instead to raid Cas's brain just before having to write a test. Cas absorbed information like a sponge). There was very little Dean didn't know about Cas._

_Which is why Dean knew exactly where Cas was headed and could plan to head him off. Not far ahead was a swimming hole that the boys frequented. It wasn't a secret but no one else ever really made use of it so the boys had claimed it as their spot. Cas's path would eventually lead him up a rocky slope to a ledge the boys had often jumped off, diving into the cool water of the pool below._

_Dean changed his path to try to get there before Cas did, pushing his wolf even harder than before. He had a good chance he thought. Bounding over fallen trees and rocks, Dean got to the ledge just in time to see Cas's wolf leap off, sailing through the air over the pond. His wolf skidded to a halt on the ledge and then time stopped._

_Castiel shifted into human form mid-air, arms extended, body arched as he assumed a dive position for entry into the water. He was the most beautiful thing Dean and his wolf had ever seen. This was not the first time Dean had seen Castiel naked. Nudity was just a part of life for the Wolfen. Male, female, young, old – there was neither shyness nor awkwardness about being naked when you were constantly shifting from form to form. Today however, with Castiel's form turning gracefully in the air as if in dance, Dean's heart stuttered and restarted with something that may have been peeking round the edges of his consciousness before, but of which he was suddenly very aware._

_Possessiveness burst through Dean's wolf, who wanted nothing else but to lunge after Castiel and claim him. Dean however held the Wolf in check. He had to figure things out. He had to understand what he was feeling. What had changed?_

_If he were being honest with himself, Dean already knew what had changed. He'd loved Castiel from the moment he met him but recently, it was more than just a sense of kinship. Dean had begun to notice certain things. Like the way a bead of liquid on Castiel's lips left over from a shared drink, had him wanting to lick it away. Or that time when Cas was standing in front of him the night they were star gazing and instead of the stars, all Dean could look at was the way the moonlight glinted off Castiel's skin and Dean wanted so badly to graze his fingers along the contours of Cas's shoulders and arms. Or the intense dislike he felt for Daphne because he knew she wanted Cas for her mate and Dean couldn't bear the thought of sharing Cas with someone far less losing him to someone. Yes if he was being honest with himself, Dean knew what he was feeling. He just couldn't face it, that's all._

_His Wolf was puzzled. To him it was simple. Castiel belonged to them. They needed to mark their claim before they had to kill someone to keep him theirs. What was the problem?_

_As Dean and his wolf battled it out, Cas resurfaced in the pool and looked up to where the wolf was still standing on the ledge._

" _Hey!" he called out, "you coming in or are you going to stay up there and be a sore loser"_

_The wolf whined and shook his head as if to say no._

_This worried Cas. Over the past few weeks, he could feel Dean, through his wolf pull away as if keeping something from him. They'd never had secrets from each other before and it scared Cas just a little. He'd had his entire world ripped away from him by violence and he'd been frightened and unsure for his future and that of his sister. He hadn't known the adults who had found them and who were deciding their chances for survival. But then Dean came bounding in and it had been as if Castiel had come home. He felt safe and anchored. His cub knew that as long as he was with Dean, it was where he was meant to be._

" _GET IN HERE YOU ASSBUTT!" Cas shouted, his laughter hiding the sliver of uncertainty he felt._

_There were times he wondered, if Dean sensed the changing needs in him and that was why things weren't quite the same between them. Castiel had figured out he was attracted to Dean in a physical sense when he was 15. They had gone to an inter-pack meet and after seeing to his sister, he'd gone in search of Dean only to find him making out with a young she-wolf. He should have walked away. He shouldn't have stayed there watching them from the distance but he had and it had changed things for him. He'd watched as Dean's hands and mouth explored the girl and with everything in him, he wished it had been him. **It should have been me** , he thought. **Nobody loves Dean like I do. Nobody can!**_

_Suddenly startled by the direction his thoughts were taking, Castiel dove down beneath the water surface and swam there for as long as the supply of oxygen in his lungs would let him. Pushing back up, he looked to the ledge only to find the wolf gone. He looked around. No sign of Dean._

" _Dean!" he called out. "Dean! Where are you?"_

_No answer. Not even a howl from the wolf to let him know he was still in the area. Deflated, he swam to the edge and climbed up onto a flat rock to dry out. He lay there on his stomach, eyes closed, enjoying the heat of the sun's rays on his body, trying to not think of Dean but failing. He felt a shadow fall on him and he peeked out. Dean's paws were right next to his face. Castiel smiled. He was content once more, now that Dean had joined him. He thought it curious that Dean was still in wolf form but he decided to pay no mind to it. He was just glad Dean hadn't left. He closed his eye once more._

_Dean licked his face as if in apology and with affection. They'd done this to each other before and often, so it did not strike Castiel as unusual but he shivered as he felt the warm wet rasp of the wolf tongue move to his shoulders and then slowly travel down his back. This was new but it felt so good that Cas was certainly not going to complain._

_Not sensing any resistance from Cas, Dean's wolf continued to taste his skin, licking and lapping at the boy. He travelled lower into the small of Castiel's back. Castiel began to feel the stirring of arousal and he willed it away. He didn't want to embarrass himself and Dean by sporting an erection just from playful interaction. Then the wolf's tongue traced the curve of his ass and he was rock hard._

_In the blink of an eye, Castiel flipped up and launched himself into the pond, shouting, "What the hell Dean!"_

_Dean was stricken. Caught between the urge to bolt and the need to stay and make sure he hadn't ruined things with Castiel, his Wolf stood there frozen._

_Castiel was up to his neck in water when he turned back to face Dean._

_Dean shifted into human form and slowly began to wade into the water, walking carefully towards Castiel._

" _Cas?" his voice was shaky and uncertain. "Cas I am so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Or to freak you out. I just ….I just…Shit!"_

_He ran a hand through his hair and paused his walking. Cas was looking at him, his bright blue eyes as wide as saucers._

" _Please Cas," he started again, "Say something. Do something. Tell me I haven't screwed this up."_

_Castiel had been staring at Dean. In human form, in all his naked glory, he could see that Dean was just as aroused as he'd been. Did Dean want him the way he wanted Dean? Was it possible that Dean had been trying to hide a desire for him the way he'd been hiding his for Dean? He began walking towards Dean. He found that he had no words to say. He knew that Dean wanted some verbal reassurance from him but Castiel's' wolf was driving his body now._

_He walked right up to Dean, who still looked worried. He stood as humanly close as possible to Dean without touching Dean. In the back of his head he remembered doing this before and Dean counseling him on 'personal space". Then taking a leap of faith, he lifted onto his toes and pressed his lips against Dean's as he'd seen the young girl do. Deans lips were soft and full and though Dean did not respond, Castiel began to understand why kissing was such a popular pastime._

_One second passed - no response from Dean. Two seconds, three seconds, four – still nothing. As Castiel began to lower himself and pull away from Dean, a loud possessive growl emanated from Dean's chest and Dean cupped Castiel's face with his hands to pull his mouth back where it belonged – on Dean's. Castiel held on to Dean's hips to steady himself and there, standing knee deep in water, in their place, they kissed each other with all the fervour and desperation of young desire and changed the course of their lives forever._

.

.

The first thing Castiel noticed when he came to was that the puke ridden sheets were gone. He still could taste hints of it in his mouth but he was now lying on a mattress _sans_ sheets. His back pack had been moved from the bed to a chair in the corner of the room.

He pulled himself upright and after collecting his thoughts as best as he could with a pounding headache, he decided that his number one priority was to get that nasty taste out of his mouth. Grabbing his back pack, he headed into the en suite bathroom to brush his teeth but ended taking a shower while he was in there.

Feeling refreshed, he dressed and made his way into the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat. What he found was teenage Dean with the blue eyes pouring coffee into a cup, placing it on to the kitchen table next to a plate piled high with scrambled eggs and sausages.

Looking up at Castiel, young Dean said, "Thought you might be hungry."

He pulled the chair out for Castiel and then walked to the other side of the table and sat down. Castiel sat and with his stomach ruling his brain, he began shoveling the food down. He'd hadn't had a proper meal in days. When he felt the edge of his hunger fade, he paused to address the young man.

"I don't know your name" he said.

The boy scoffed.

"Hardly surprising since I bet you didn't even know I existed. I certainly never thought we'd meet. But then with things being what they are, I guess it was inevitable."

Teenage Dean with the blue eyes was spinning a coin on the tabletop, preferring to look at that rather than at Castiel.

"I gotta tell ya man….when Dad said he was going to find you and bring you back, nobody thought you'd actually come."

Castiel swallowed hard.

"She's my sister. I didn't really have a choice. What the hell is your name kid?"

"Jace" came the slightly sullen reply.

"Jace? As in _Jason_?" Castiel asked.

The kid smirked. "No Jace as in J.C., my initials. My father called me John Castiel."

Castiel did not know how to process that. John and Castiel had hated each other. They'd hurt each other. They'd destroyed each other's lives. And now here was this kid named to honour them both – the two most important people in Dean's life. Once upon a time, anyway.

"I have a twin brother." Jace continued. "His name is Campbell Castiel but we don't call him C.C.; you get beat up for that."

Castiel didn’t want to ask but he did anyway.

"So what do you call him?"

From the side of him came a new voice.

"Well, since my father could not abide anyone else being called 'Cas', they call me 'Case'.

Jace laughed. "They call you Case because you're a nutcase!"

The brothers grinned at each other but Cas could do nothing other than stare. Whereas Jace was young Dean with Cas eyes, Case was the spitting image of Cas at fourteen but with eyes Dean Winchester green in colour.


	5. Chapter 5

The watering hole hadn't changed much since Castiel had last been there. The rush of emotion he felt would have overwhelmed him if he hadn't already taken something to make him feel better. It had been a day since his return and he was no more prepared to deal with his past now than when his past was his present. Whoever came up with all that shit about retrospect lending clarity or whatever didn't know what the hell they were talking about. Still this place was a happy place. He'd had some of his best memories here.

Standing on the flat rock where he and Dean spent many hours discovering each other, Castiel remembered what happiness felt like. In a flash of boyish impulse, he began undressing. Once naked, he walked slowly into the cold water, enjoying the sudden shot of sobriety it gave him. When the water level got to just above his waist, he dove under and swam below the surface as he'd often done as a kid. His lungs hurt by the time he came up for air but damn if he didn't feel good. He did it again and then again. Castiel felt carefree for the first time in, he didn't know how long.

Eventually he opted for just floating on surface of the pond. He'd missed this he realised. Life in the city didn't allow for moments like these and he couldn't help but wonder what his life would have been like if he'd stayed instead of running away. Not pleasant he imagined but at least he'd have gotten to know the twins, if he had.

Dean had sons. They both carried his name and one of them looked like him. Watching the two of them banter at the table yesterday evening was like watching him and Dean as teens. Only these two were brothers in every sense of the word and what he and Dean had shared was anything but brotherly. Once upon a time, when he believed in fairy tales like true love and happy endings he would have shouted to the world that his world was Dean. They'd shared their first kiss here when they were sixteen. They'd shared countless other kisses here (and everywhere else they could) as well. He smirked remembering all those stolen moments.

Drunk with the discovery of physical pleasure and each other, they'd made the most of every chance they got. Cas remembered the tasting and the touching. He remembered Dean's body and the bliss of it.

_"Cas, it's going to be my birthday." Dean had pleaded. "Don't you think it's time you let me inside you?"_

At almost eighteen, Dean had been desperate to lose his virginity. Not lose it, Cas corrected, but give it to each other. Cas hadn't been afraid exactly… well maybe he had been just a little afraid. He'd never done it before. First times should always contain trace amounts of trepidation. After all you can never take it back. Once it's done, it's done and you're stuck with the fall out forever.

_"You've already been inside me Dean," he'd laughed in response. "And I will admit, I quite like the taste of you."_

_"You know I don't mean your mouth," Dean had growled. "As incredible and as talented as it may be, Cas…"_

_Here Dean had paused and cupped Cas's face with his hands. He'd pressed his forehead against Cas's and tilted his face to press a quick kiss to Cas's nose._

_"Cas," Dean's voice was soft and gentle but shaky like an uncertain caress. "You've been mine…we've been each other's, in every way but that. Let's complete this claim we have on each other."_

They did. It was the night of Dean's eighteenth birthday, a couple weeks short of Cas's own that they'd finally consummated their bond. It had been awkward and uncomfortable and messy and the best first time in the history of first times, Castiel reckoned; because they got better at it. They had to, given the sheer volume of practicing they did. Castiel had never flown so high. If there was a heaven, he'd found it in Dean's body pressed, warm and sweaty, against his own. If there was salvation to be found, he'd found it in the way Dean looked at him as he pushed inside Cas’s body. All of the pleasure he'd found since then and all of the sex he'd had since then, all of the bodies he'd fucked into – none of it meant anything. None of it could match any single experience he had shared with Dean. His whole fucking life after Dean was meaningless.

Not surprisingly, going by his train of thought, Castiel could feel depression settling in like an old relative. He climbed out of the pond and walked over to his clothes on the flat rock. He sat naked next to the pile and rifled through his pockets for a joint. Lighting up, he sat there, knees pulled close to his chest, arms wrapped around them, breathing in a little Jamaica and he let time slip away from him.

He'd finished his smoke when he heard the footsteps behind him. He knew he wasn't surprised. Somehow Dean always knew when he was here, at their place. As teens, he'd never have to send messages to Dean. If he came to the watering hole, then it was a given that Dean would turn up shortly after. If asked, he'd feign surprise that Dean was there, citing the intervening years and disconnection as a reason but a part of him wondered if that's why he turned up in particular spot anyway. Nah, he told himself, he was just taking a stroll down memory lane.

Dean sat down next to Cas, mirroring the way Cas sat with his arms around the knees. Neither man looked at the other but sat staring out at the water, watching perhaps ghost visions of two boys laughing and loving and frolicking with the joyous abandonment of youth, wondering where those boys had disappeared to and lamenting the sorry assed excuses for men they’d left behind.

It was peaceful…just sitting there in silence, gathering their thoughts. It was odd but despite all the time they'd spent together, it was never something they'd ever really done before. As children, there were always adventures to be had, games to be played. When they were older there was always love to be made.

Cas unwrapped his arms from around his knees and got up. Picking up his clothes, he began to get dressed. There was something about being naked next to a clothed man, especially this clothed man that had him feeling vulnerable and exposed. He didn't like feeling that way.

Dean watched him get dressed but didn't say a word. His eyes drank in the sight of Cas's body as if he were dying of thirst and Cas was an oasis, whilst his hands clenched tightly into fists as if to stop him from reaching out to touch what he remembered so clearly . His Wolf buzzed with anticipation of what Dean knew would not happen. Inside his head, a bitter voice wondered "How many men?" How many men had Cas had? How many men had been inside him the way Dean had? Dean hated himself for thinking about it. It shouldn't matter. They’d both made their choices and they'd both acted on those choices. Dean knew this; In theory. His heart however….his heart and his fucking Wolf never recovered and he knew beyond a doubt that if he had the chance the wipe the memory of any touch other than his own from Castiel's mind, he'd fuck the man next to him so thoroughly that Dean would be the only thing Cas could think, feel or know. Despite everything, Dean had never stopped wanting this man. He'd never stopped loving this man.

Fully dressed, Castiel contemplated leaving but then surprised them both by sitting back down. They needed to talk and this was as good a time as any. Castiel looked over at Dean, ready to launch into the questions he had but their gazes locked and both men stayed silent. It was Dean that eventually spoke first.

"I hear you've met the boys." He looked back at the water unable to bear the weight of those blue eyes.

"Yes," Cas replied before asking, "Why are they both named Castiel?"

"Jace was born first and I always knew my first son would carry your name. John I chose to remember Dad by. As it turned out, naming Jace 'Castiel' was also to remember you by. I lost you both at the same time."

Castiel didn't know what to say to that so he said nothing. When it seemed that Dean was also going to say no more, he continued,

"If you'd already saddled Jace with my name, why did you also give Case the name 'Castiel'?"

Dean turned to look at Cas in disbelief.

"Jesus Christ Cas! Have you looked at the kid? How could I possibly have called him anything else? From the moment I looked at him, you were all I saw. He could only have been called Castiel. Sam was the one who came up with Campbell."

Cas nodded and was silent. As was Dean. After a few moments, Cas lay back on the flat rock looking up at the sky.

"So what happens now Dean?"

Dean swallowed hard. Time to get down to business.

"It's been three months since your pack captured Anna and Sam."

"My pack?" Castiel interrupted. " I am currently without pack Dean and forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought I was part of your pack before that?"

Dean swore.

"Fuck Cas. I didn't mean...you know what I meant."

Castiel didn't respond but Dean could see that his eyes were angry and just a little wet _. Awesome Winchester_ , he thought, _as if you haven't screwed this man up enough_.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't say for what exactly and Castiel wondered if he meant the slip specifically or if he meant their whole goddamned lives.

Without any sign of acknowledgement or understanding from Cas, Dean decided to forge ahead.

"They were looking for some way to tap into the Angel Wolf properties through science. Some chick named Naomi is heading the whole thing. Anyway, Sam had taken Anna to do some shopping as I had a council meeting and they grabbed them. It was...unexpected – the attack."

"At first we didn't know what was going on but we eventually tracked down some of the pack members involved. They were looking for you but couldn't find you so they took Anna as a backup. They've been doing some tests on her. I was able to mind speak with Sam for a bit but they've drugged him to keep him in human form."

Cas sat back up and dropped his head in his hands. "Were you able to reach Anna at all?"

"No." Dean's voice had an odd quality to it. "Cas...you should know...I haven't been able to feel her at all for at least seven weeks. I've tried – I've been trying constantly. But there's nothing. With Sam, even in human form, I can sense a weak presence."

"You think she's dead." It was a statement not a question.

Dean reached across and squeezed his hand. Anna was the last blood relative Castiel was aware of. Castiel yanked his hand away and Dean felt the loss of it.

"I don't know Cas," he said. "It may be that she's so drugged up and under that I just can't reach her. God knows I couldn't reach you when I tried."

It surprised Cas that he had tried.

"Don't judge me Dean." Cas voice was hard. "You fucking married my sister. Did you think I'd stick around for family get-togethers?"

"Cas," Dean started before he realized he wasn't sure what he was about to say. "Fuck."

Castiel got up and dusted himself off. Realizing that his window of opportunity was closing Dean got up too.

"Cas, I didn't ask you back here to dredge up the past."

Spinning around suddenly, Cas pushed hard at Dean's chest with both hands, causing him to topple back, falling on his ass. He stalked away but paused to look back at Dean.

"No," he said, his anger and bitterness pouring out into the word. "You asked me back here to sacrifice myself so you can get your wife and brother back".


	6. Chapter 6

The wolf was visibly young, smaller in size than the other two wolves in the room and lighter in frame. His fur was light brown in color but sparse. He looked underfed and afraid. As the two larger wolves circled around him, he trembled and was immediately ashamed. He was a soldier and whatever else these monsters took away from him, they could not take that away.

He snarled ferociously and lunged forward a little, snapping at the closer wolf. After months of imprisonment, torture and submission, it was unexpected and took his tormentors by surprise. This particular little wolf was not known for aggression and was more prone to whimper rather than growl. They looked up to the second level pavilion, where two human figures watched from behind a glass window.

The young wolf took the chance to scout the room for the possibility of escape. There was none. There were two locked doors leading out of the room and the only window was the one on the second level. He could not make that jump.

He saw the slight nod of the woman's head and knew his time had come. He had no control over the timing of his death but he damn well had some say in how he left this world. Human and wolf took a second to honour their time together and then, before larger wolves could even turn back to him, he leapt at the closer wolf, teeth bared and clamped his jaws on the bigger wolf's neck. The wolf howled and tried to shake him off, baying and bellowing as he spun around backwards, jerking awkwardly trying to dislodge the younger wolf.

It was futile. The young wolf locked his jaws down and refused to relax his hold. He could taste the blood as it seeped out of the bigger wolf. He was resolved in this and would not let go until this wolf was dead. The young wolf felt the searing pain of the incisors of the second tormentor tearing into his thin belly and though it was beyond any other pain he'd ever known, he held fast, not slackening his grasp on the first wolf. He heard the vicious growl of the second wolf and felt the brutal blows as the wolf butted into his head trying to break his grip on the first wolf but he didn't let go. He heard the doors slam and the scurrying of paws told him that more wolves had entered the room and were possibly about to enter the fray. He didn't let go. Blood from the wolf in his bite got into his eyes, blurring his vision; he just closed his eyes and held on tighter.

As the new wolves sank their teeth into him, pulling in different directions, literally tearing him apart, he could hear his human inside him, the voice rising above the intense agony he felt. He'd done it. He'd killed the wolf. He was a true soldier. Suddenly the pain was gone. He released the carcass of the wolf and though he could not see it, he could feel the shift energy as the body reverted to its human form. He and his human smiled and the world faded into nothingness.

Upstairs, the man spoke with clear British tones.

"Did that wolf just smile as he died?"

The woman ignored him and continued to watch as one by one the remaining wolves transformed into human shapes and stood around the dead men. In death the young wolf had become a young man with a soft innocent face. He'd died a good death, a worthy death.

Peering over her shoulder, the Brit raised his eyebrows.

"Which one was that?"

"Samandriel." Her reply was terse as if she'd run out of patience.

The Brit shook his head and clucked in mock exasperation.

"Naomi, Naomi...how many do you have left? If you keep killing off the Garrison Wolves, your little science project will be doomed to fail."

Naomi clenched her fists at her side and turned slowly.

"What I do, I do for the greater good of my kind." She walked away from the window to stand closer to the table that was in the middle of the small room. There were two chairs at the table. These were the only furnishings in the room.

"Greatness comes at a high cost," he replied. "Perhaps...too high a cost, some might say."

"Why are you here Crowley? Speak your piece and leave before you become the next inhabitant of the room below."

Crowley just laughed, not in the least bit threatened.

"Why I bring good tidings," he smirked. "Your prize has come back to the trophy case."

Naomi rolled her eyes.

"Why can't you just speak English? Your people invented the goddamned language. Enough with the riddles."

Crowley raised an eyebrow and looked genuinely offended.

"You don't appreciate a clever turn of phrase?"

Naomi rolled her eyes. She was not known for a patient nature.

"The prodigal son hath returneth? The chicken has come home to roost? "

"CROWLEY!" she shouted.

"Fine, fine, don't get your panties in a bunch. All I am saying is that my sources tell me that the one Garrison wolf you want above all others, is reportedly returned to the foster fold."

"Castiel?" Crowley could hear the excitement in her voice. Finally something that might get him inside those bunched panties of hers.

She walked up to him and looked him right in the eye.

Are you telling me that Castiel is back? You'd better not be fucking with me Crowley. I will skin you alive if you're leading me on.

She was dead serious. Crowley could tell that she meant it. She actually would peel the skin off his flesh just to hear him scream. Was it weird that he was extremely turned on by that? Probably.

"The Alpha apparently tracked him down and now he's back with the pack"

Naomi was confounded.

"How in the hell did Dean Winchester find him when none of the 200 seekers I had looking could?"

Crowley wandered over to the window. The room was empty but he could see blood splatter on the floor. Turning back to Naomi he said,

"Apparently The Winchester Alpha and the little unicorn share a profound bond. It seems they connected deeply as children and if the rumours are to be believed, we're not just talking spiritual. I've heard mention of emotional and physical as well."

Naomi grimaced with distaste.

"Yes, I've heard those stories as well. But he married the redhead and if John Winchester lived up to his reputation, it's because he believed the redhead was the Angel Wolf."

She paused and murmured, almost as if to herself, "Only she wasn't. She wasn't anything but ordinary."

Crowley wisely kept silent. People often talked about his methods but he knew that the woman before him was far more dangerous than he. She believed her course of actions to be sanctioned by righteousness.

"This bond may pose a problem." Naomi continued.

"How so?" Crowley asked. "You've had his wife and brother for months. I'm sure that should you offer a trade off, you'd be able to get Castiel without issue."

She shook her head.

"If Winchester loved Castiel as the rumours imply, then he may not be willing to give him up that easily. This could get messy."

"Or if Castiel loved Dean as the rumours imply, then perhaps he'd gladly sacrifice himself for Dean's happiness? She is his sister you know."

"Was. She was his sister. You know that she's dead. Her body is still here...well what's left of it but the only reason Sam Winchester is alive is because without her, he's the only bargaining chip I have."

Crowley did know that Anna Winchester was dead. His network of spies was very extensive. If Naomi hadn't been in the room at the time, there was the possibility that he'd have known of the death before Naomi did. That thought made him smile in satisfaction.

Naomi noticed the curling of his lips.

"Why are you smiling?" she asked. "What is it that you know that apparently I do not"

Crowley's grin got bigger.

"That is ...an extensive list my dear. But in this instance, I do not believe Dean will have any issue handing over Castiel to you on a silver platter."

"Why not?"

"Well," Crowley was positively gloating. "As much as Dean may or may not have loved Castiel, he loved John Winchester more. Every action he has done in his entire life has been influenced by seeking his father's approval. It's why he married Anna and it's why he didn't find Castiel sooner. He didn't want to find him."

Again Naomi rolled her eyes. "Spit it out Crowley."

"Well Darling, Castiel didn't leave the Winchester fold because Dean married his sister. Dean married Anna because it was his father's dying wish to see them hitched before leaving this world. Castiel had to flee the Winchester pack the night John Winchester died because he, Castiel, killed John Winchester."

Naomi's sudden smile was frightening.


	7. Chapter 7

The Alpha Wolf stood hidden in the woods, eyes fixed on the little cabin. It had been three days since he'd met Castiel at the watering hole and Cas hadn't left the cabin once yet. Dean knew this because it had been three days of him hovering just outside the cabin waiting on Cas. Each day he moved a little closer towards the cabin and already he could feel the changes happening inside him.

His hearing was getting sharper. His eyesight was becoming keener. He felt stronger than he had in years. It was just as it was when Cas was a part of his life. The only thing that was different was that he wasn't able to do any partial shifts yet.

When he and Cas were lovers, Dean had been able to shift parts of himself. He could turn a hand into a paw whilst the rest of him stayed human. His head could midway shift giving him a head that had the jaws and teeth of a wolf. They'd kept it a secret, he and Cas, because no other Wolfen had ever had that ability and they weren't sure what the reaction would be. Dean was also very concerned about being considered a freak back then. Being open about his relationship with Cas was as far out of the box as he was willing to go. He couldn't explain to the pack why the changes were happening to him other than it had to do with Castiel in his life.

The Angel Wolf - Dean did not know when he'd started believing in that bit of lore but he knew without a doubt that it was Castiel. Only instead of exhibiting extra skills and strengths for himself, Cas seemed to trigger extraordinary behaviours in others; specifically in Dean and Anna though there were times Dean thought that his genius little brother was even more of a genius when Cas was around. However, whereas Dean's "Cas-induced" enhancements seemed to revolve around strength, Anna was a healer.

Dean didn't make the connection at first for it seemed as if Anna always had the ability to speed up the healing process of an injured wolf simply by touching them. As children, they never paid attention to the scratches and cuts that healed almost instantly. As teens though, Sam had been gored by a tree branch in a fall off a cliff and the wound was horrendous. Wolfen forms heal faster than human but even so, Sam was only expected to heal in three to four days given the severity of the wound. The concern was the blood loss he'd been experiencing. They stemmed the flow as best they could, given his wolf shape and the location of the wound but everyone was worried that Sam would bleed out before he could heal properly. Dean remembered almost going out of his mind feeling helpless and inadequate.

Anna healed Sam though. Holding Castiel's hand for support, she pressed the palm of her free hand against the wound, closed her eyes and concentrated. Dean wasn't sure what happened next but there seemed to be a silver white light where her hand covered the wound and then she fainted. In the rush to care for her, it was almost missed but Dean caught it. He hadn't moved. He hadn't taken his eyes off his brother. The ugly bleeding gash was gone. Apart from the dried blood matting his brother's fur, you couldn't even tell there had been a cut. It still took Sam two days to get back to full strength but everyone in the pack had been convinced that Anna was the Angel wolf.

Dean shifted back to human form and stood silent and still in the woods, the memory of that event triggering emotions that he'd thought he'd dealt with and put aside.

That had been the beginning of the end for him. His father had become obsessed with the Angel Wolf story and if he'd been quietly pushing Dean and Anna together before, all subtlety was cast aside. John Winchester wanted an unbreakable bond with the Angel Wolf and was more than willing to use his son to get it. It didn't help that Anna had developed a huge infatuation with Dean and had no qualms about trying to steal her brother's lover. She may have loved Cas but she wanted Dean and went after him, scheming with John to become his mate.

Dean loved his father with everything in him. John was his idol, his hero, his mentor. As a cub, Dean wanted to be John when he grew up. In all of his time with Cas, he never considered his future other than Cas would be in it. He supposed he knew he was expected to marry and continue the Winchester line but he was just a kid in the throes of first love, damn it! 'Marriage and babies' were too far away in the future to be planned for. All he knew back then was that there was only Cas. His world was Cas.

His father could not be convinced that Cas was the Angel Wolf and he did not want to hear about Dean's relationship with Cas. Dean knew that his father grew to resent Cas for clouding Dean's loyalty to John and the pack, and he knew that Castiel grew to resent John for the pressure he put on them to end their relationship.

" _Fuck Cas, he's my father," Dean had shouted. "What the hell am I supposed to do? Just ignore it."_

_Cas wouldn't listen._

" _Get him to back off Dean. He treats me as if I'm pond scum just because we love each other. He wants you to marry my sister Dean, MY SISTER!"_

_Dean shook his head and took his boyfriend into his arms. He stroked Cas's back gently trying to calm him down._

" _We're only nineteen, Cas," he whispered. "We're far too young to be thinking about marriage."_

_Cas sniffed against Dean's shoulder. "It's not going to change with time Dean. John isn't going to let this go. You know this. We need to do something."_

_Exasperated, Dean dropped his arms and walked a few steps away._

" _And what would that be Cas?"_

" _We could leave." Cas was prepared. "Just the two of us. We're legally adults now. Let's just get away from here and just be together."_

_Dean's blood ran cold. Leave his parents and his brother? Leave the pack? He couldn't do that. He was the Alpha-in-waiting. He had obligations._

" _Cas, I can't leave. You know this. I love you but you know me better than anyone else. You know that I can't ignore what is expected of me and run off."_

_Dean's eye's pleaded with Cas to understand._

" _You're expected to marry Anna at some point in the next few years."_

_Dean couldn't deny that._

" _Cas," he began, walking over to grasp the chin of the younger man, forcing him to look Dean in the eye. "As long as I'm with you, as long as you're with me, I won't be marrying anyone. Many, many, years from now, mating and breeding may become an issue but we'll handle that together, okay?"_

_Eyes wet with unshed tears and hope, Cas nodded and as Dean took his mouth in a passionate promise of tomorrows, Dean felt secure that he and Cas were safe for a long time to come._

Dean's wolf snorted at that shared memory. That so did not happen. It was less than a week later that Dean came back to pretty much the end of the world as he knew it. He'd been visiting another pack on behalf of his father. It was just him and Bobby making the trip. He'd begged to have Cas accompany him but John was adamant. Eventually Dean gave up and went. His Dad had taken up drinking and Dean's fights with John were becoming increasingly ugly. So Dean explained the trip to Cas and took off with Bobby. It was only a single night away. He didn't think much could happen in that time. He was wrong.

He'd come back to find his father on the verge of death and Cas missing. John's wounds were like nothing they'd ever seen before and beyond anything Anna could heal. His eyes had been burnt out as if from the inside and as far as they could guess, there was significant internal damage as well. Anna was able to ease John's agony a little but nothing more. Whatever did this was too extreme and against everything Dean believed, whatever did this was Cas.

_John was livid. They'd bandaged up his eyes but even without them flashing fire, Dean could feel the fury coming from his father._

" _What do you mean you can't believe? Your precious Castiel," John sneered. "He did this to me!"_

_John's voice was weaker than Dean had ever heard it but it still had the power to hook him._

" _Why?" Dean was proud that his voice was steady when inside he felt like bawling like a baby. "Why would Cas do this?"_

" _You know why Dean. He feels threatened by me and our relationship. He knows you'll step up and do the right thing, leaving him behind."_

_Dean still refused to believe it. His father had pleaded with him to commit to Anna. He knew he was dying and before he died he wanted to see Dean married to Anna. Dean held out as best as he could. He really did._

" _I need to hear from Cas what happened. I can't marry his sister."_

" _You can't give your father peace of mind on his death bed? Is that what you're saying boy?"_

_John was relentless._

" _I can't do this to Cas; not without talking with him. Dad, you don't understand." Dean begged for compassion but John couldn't find it within him to afford Dean some._

" _Well talk to him then," John mocked. "Oh right you can't because he took off. He's pretty much done me in and bolted."_

" _Tell me something Dean, if he could explain this in a way that you'd understand or forgive, why isn't he here explaining?"_

_John knew just where to aim his darts. He knew just how to get at Dean and could do it better than anyone else._

" _You can get inside his head Dean. You can see for yourself what happened. So why isn't he letting you?"_

" _He'll come Dad." Dean was loyal to his core. "Maybe he just needs some time but he'll come. He loves me. He'll be here."_

" _Time is something I don't have any more Dean."_

Dean waited three days for Castiel. In that time his father's condition worsened steadily. Simply breathing became pure agony for John but he was determined to see Dean mated before he died. Everyone, his mother, his brother, the pack, came to him, pleading, demanding, praying that he put John out of his pain and just grant him his last wish. Dean refused to believe that Castiel had abandoned him. In the end it was Anna that convinced him.

John had begun to cough up blood. He was only alive through sheer stubbornness. Anna had gone to Dean and begged him to have mercy on his mother if not his father. Mate with her, she'd offered, and he could still have Castiel. She'd never come between them. She'd have his cubs and be happy with her role as mother. She just wanted to be part of what they shared. She didn't want to be left on the outside looking at them. That was all she wanted from him. Nothing else. She wanted Mary as her mother and Sam as her brother in addition to Castiel. She didn't want to lose Castiel and she wanted to be a part of the Winchester heritage. Mate with her and it could work out so everyone got a little of what they wanted.

After three days of constant vigil, Dean was tired. He was scared. He was ready to believe that there could be a positive outcome after all. He married and mated with Anna because he was out of time but he still believed Cas would come back. Anna conceived that very night and John, scenting the new life inside of her, died peacefully the next day.

It was two months before Dean stopped waiting on Castiel's return. He'd constantly tried to connect with Cas via their wolf link but never with success. Then he left the settlement trying to physically find Cas but again without success. He had to return for the birthing of his cubs and looking at the precious new lives before him, Dean conceded that if Cas wanted to be with him, he would be, so Dean needed to focus on his responsibilities as a parent and as Alpha. He stopped looking but a part of him never stopped hoping.

Dean never thought he'd find himself waiting on Cas again. Yet here he was, standing naked in the forest outside the cabin waiting for Cas to invite him inside. Not just inside the little cottage but inside the man himself. His plan depended on it.


	8. Chapter 8

He had the kid by the throat, pressed up against the wall. The other one was lying on the ground, blood trickling from his split lip. The room was in shambles, broken overthrown furniture, smashed picture frames, and shredded fabric scattered everywhere. It looked nothing like the neat, well ordered, welcoming home that it had been earlier that day.

"Where is it?" Castiel snarled at the kid. "What did you do with my stuff?"

Jace's eyes were wide with surprise and uncertainty. He glanced sideways to where Case still lay on the ground. _He won't hurt us! He won't hurt us!_ He kept telling his wolf and himself. The last thing he needed was to shift right now. If his wolf took over, it would fight to protect them and Jace knew they needed Castiel.

"Aren't you afraid yet?" Castiel's tone had taken on a darker deeper undertone. "You should be. I'm asking you for the last time. Where is my stuff?"

Shuffling sounds behind him should have alerted Castiel that Case was up but he was so focused on Jace that he didn't clue in until the boy was on him, pulling Cas away from his brother. Castiel did not release his hold on Jace but instead swung around hard, pulling the boy with him and slamming the twin on his back into the wall where his brother previously was.

The impact knocked the wind out of the already weakened Case and he slid down the wall in pain, crumpling to the floor. Jace screamed, for his brother and the sound jarred the enraged older man enough that he had a moment of clarity.

Almost as if through the eyes of someone else, Castiel saw himself standing there in the trashed room, eyes glowing like a monster's, one fourteen year old kid in a heap at his feet and another with bruises forming where Castiel's fingers forcefully circled his neck. _Fuck!_ He was beating up kids now. He opened his fingers and Jace fell from his grasp, scurrying on the floor to see to his brother's welfare. Castiel walked over to the sofa and sat down.

"I just want my stuff," he said to no one in particular. "I need my things."

The boys stayed down on the floor, leaning against the wall. Their dad was going to kill them. He'd told them to stay away from Castiel but he wouldn't say why. They thought maybe it was because of the drugs. Maybe he didn't want them near Castiel because he'd offer drugs to them. So in their youthful naiveté, they believed eliminating the drugs would have removed the restriction on the only maternal family they had.

Cas had been in a drug induced haze when they came in to visit. They waited until their Dad who'd been watching the cabin for days, had to leave to tend to Council business and then acted. Castiel had made it easy for them. All of his pills, weed and powders were on a pile on the bed and he was passed out next to it. The boys flushed it all away and settled in to watch Castiel, foolishly believing that sobering him up would be as simple as asking him nicely. They were idiots.

When Castiel first woke, he reached across the bed, seeking his next hit. Finding nothing but empty sheets beneath his hands, he got up and looked around the room. He checked under the single pillow remaining on the bed. Then he checked under its mate lying on the floor. The he flipped the mattress off the frame and looked there. He started coming down hard from his high and the urgency, the desperation to succumb, to blunt his emotions and sensations climbed to the point of panic. He began to empty drawers, sweep books off the shelves and turn over what sparse furniture spotted the room.

The boys had been in the living room and upon hearing the racket in the bedroom, opened the door. Castiel realizing he was not alone, directed his anxiety towards them. He bolted towards them, causing them to back away, unprepared for the wild, erratic behaviour.

"WHERE IS IT!" He'd screamed coming after one brother first, then the other. He continued the frantic, destructive hunt for his drugs, destroying everything that stood between him and the boys, since he was crazy-sure that they had his next fix. The boys tripped over the furniture and each other trying to stay out of Castiel's reach but the cabin wasn't big enough that they could do this for long.

Castiel had grabbed a hold of Case, who struggled to break free and when the boy did not respond to his repeated request for his stash, Castiel backhanded him hard across the face, busting open his lip. Jace then launched himself at Castiel in an effort to protect his brother, drawing Castiel's ire on him.

Turning around suddenly Castiel had grabbed Jace by the neck and hip and pushed back forcefully until he had the boy up against the wall all the while screaming for his drugs.

Now, crouched on the floor, the brothers looked at each other unsure what to do next. They were battered, bruised and afraid to make a run for it because a) Castiel was sitting between them and the front door and b) how the heck were they going to explain this to their father?

On the couch, Castiel had pulled his knees up and was rocking himself in a jittery manner. He kept mumbling about wanting his fix, needing his hit. His eyes were glazed over and it seemed as if he'd suddenly become unaware of his surroundings. His murmuring became softer and less frantic. Jace got up slowly, cautiously so as to not startle his uncle into action. He gradually offered a hand to his brother and helped him up. They moved cautiously, edging their way to the door and for a moment they thought they could make it.

Without warning, the door to the cabin burst open and Dean flew inside. The motion snapped Castiel out of his daze and he reacted instantly and instinctively, jumping up and grabbing the closest thing he could find. It was the leg of a chair and he brandished it like a weapon between him and the new intruder.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Dean asked. Then seeing that his sons were hurt, he growled ferociously and went to them.

Still functioning on adrenalin and instinct, Castiel ran. He took off, out the door and kept running. He was no longer numb and he could feel the whip of branches and twigs stinging his arms and his face. As he began to slow down, he felt as if a horde of beetles were climbing up his legs. Castiel hated the feel of it so he sped up. He tried to out run them but the beetles kept pace. His skin was hot and tight and his chest felt as if it would explode but he had to keep running. He couldn't let the beetles get him. Then it occurred to him. The river! He had to get to the river since the watering hole was in the other direction. The river would wash away the beetles. It would keep them from getting to him. So he changed course and ran to the river, peeling his clothes away as he drew closer.

He got rid of his shirt and undershirt by the time he was at the water's edge and he just ran right into it. He stopped when the water level got to about his knees and struggled to take off his pants and underwear, falling over in the process. He had to get rid of his clothes in case there were any beetles still on it. Regaining his footing, he stood up and cast the sodden garments to the bank. He made his way to the centre of the water and sank down.

Submerged, Castiel felt the relief he was seeking; the coolness of the river water tamping down the heat that was radiating from him, quelling the itchy pins and needles of the beetles. He came up only for air before submerging himself again and again. It was on one of those trips back up that he saw her there.

She was leaning against a tree watching him wearing nothing but a pair of torn jeans and a tank top. He stood there in the water watching him. She looked familiar to him but he couldn't quite place her. Her blond stringy hair seemed distracting. As if recognizing something in him, she smiled. It was wicked. She slipped her hand into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a packet of sorts.

"Hey there Angel," she drawled. "You looking for something to make you feel a little better?"

Castiel tilted his head sideways as if in question but his eyes were zeroed in on the little plastic packet in her fingers. She saw it and a sense of winning seeped into her. He started to walk towards her. She grinned.

"I'm looking for someone to make me feel little better. Maybe we can help each other out." She cooed.

He was almost out of the water. She shook a pill out of the packet and held it up in front of her.

"This what you need baby?" she asked, seduction dripping from her words. Castiel did not hear it. His entire world had shrunk to the centimeter she was holding between her thumb and forefinger. "I can give it to you. I can make you feel better baby."

He was almost in front of her.

"It's yours for the taking," she invited. She paused and waited for him to stop right in front of her before continuing. "But it'll cost ya."

She put the pill on her tongue and grabbed his head, in a bruising kiss. Castiel's tongue forced its way into her mouth and dueled with hers in a battle for dominance. He could taste the chalky powder of promised bliss and he wanted more. He licked the inside of her mouth, taking every trace of the drug he could find. He didn't know what it was and he didn't fucking care. He found the melting bead of the pill and swept it back into his own mouth and swallowed. Only when that was accomplished did he pull back to look at the woman. She was smiling up at him like sin personified.

"Meg?" he asked.

Meg Masters was part of Crowley's pack. As a teen she was the ultimate bad girl. She’d called him Angel and Clarence because he was the ultimate good kid. She used to give him a hard time when they were younger but Dean had said that was only because she had a thing for him. She was always inviting him to "move some furniture around" which he never understood back then. He got it now.

Without speaking a word, he tore open the front of her tank top and grabbed her breasts roughly. Squeezing violently, he pushed her back against the tree until she could feel the bark cutting into skin.

"Whoa there big boy." She cautioned. Looking down at his hardening erection she added, "My, you are a big boy, aren't you?"

Castiel simply growled in response. With one hand he yanked her head back by the hair and bit down on her exposed neck. The drug was fast acting. He could feel his physical senses heightening but his emotional ones were flat. Dead. He didn't care if he hurt her. He just wanted to feel good and she could give him that. No. He could take that from her. Fuck what she wanted. He needed, he wanted, he took.

Meg couldn't remember the last time she was this turned on. Good boys make the very best bad men and her Clarence had turned into one very bad man. He was rough and brutal and powerful and in this moment he was hers. She almost cried as his hands left her breasts. They felt heavy with desire, sore and wanting more….wanting much much more. But then his hands started working the button on her jeans and were pushing their way inside them and she forgot to think. She had no doubt that she was going to hurt for days after this but this was Castiel. She'd die if she had to.

She felt his blunt fingernails press into the globes of her ass before he shoved her jeans and underwear to her knees. Then she was shoved down onto all fours and she screamed as he drove himself into her and then she stopped thinking all together.

.

Back the cabin, Dean was ripping into his sons. He couldn't believe what they'd tried to do. Didn't they know the risks involved? Not just what it meant to the plan for getting his family back from Naomi but for their own safety.

"He's a bloody drug addict; A HARDCORE ADDICT!" He was livid. That they'd jeopardize themselves like this, that Cas could hurt his kids and that everything was falling to pieces around him.

"Do you know what that means? Do you think just because he seems normal, he is? Well he's not! He's not the Cas who grew up here. He's not who I remember or who you want him to be."

Dean heard his words to his kids and felt his heartbreak. He'd forgotten that exact thing. He'd been so wrapped up in who Cas used to be, he had forgotten that that Cas died with John.

He pulled his sons in close and held them to him. _Damn you Cas_! he thought. _Damn you!_


	9. Chapter 9

"I love what you've done with the place."

Meg surveyed the destroyed room in front of her before following Castiel into his cabin. It had been a day and a half since their encounter at the riverside and given the intensity of their interaction since then, she'd pretty much follow him anywhere. Meg was by no means an ingénue. She'd embraced carnal knowledge and all manner of sins from her early teens but nothing in her life of selfish pursuits and debauchery had ever prepared her for Castiel. The bruising strength in his hands, the wickedness that was his mouth, the unbridled power in the thrust of his hips…he'd come close to literally fucking her brains out, having banged her head against a tree trunk, a slab of rock, a headboard and the windshield of her car. Yup, his thrusts took them up on the hood and to the windshield. She loved it. No one else had ever come close to giving her the satisfaction levels he did.

Cas paid her no mind but went directly to the bedroom. She surprised herself by picking up a nearby chair and turning it upright. She was the antithesis of Suzy Homemaker but hey…she needed somewhere to sit, right? She wondered what happened here and she felt just a little thrill to know that all this destruction, this force came from within her lover.

"Would you like something to eat?" Castiel was ever polite.

She grinned and nodded. It was such a turn on to see the two very different sides of Castiel weave in and out of his interaction. She watched him walk over to the kitchen area. Wearing nothing but a loose pair of sweats, resting dangerously low on his hip bones, he kicked the debris to the side as he walked. The Castiel she remembered from their teenage days could never have ignored such disorder.

A shadow suddenly filled the open doorway and they both turned to find Dean filling the frame. Her grin got even wider. Shit was getting better by the moment she thought.

Dean took his time coming into the cabin, obviously taken a back to find Meg there. She looked well fucked and Dean could smell Cas all over her. It hurt. It shouldn't have but it did. She didn't move but looked at Dean like a cat lapping up a bowl of cream….satisfied and happy. He hated her. Dragging his gaze away from her, his eyes sought out Cas, who was leaning against the door way to the kitchen, arms crossed.

"You hurt my kids Cas." Dean began. "What the hell is wrong with you that you're beating up on 14 year old kids?"

Meg let out a squeal of delight and spun around to face Cas.

"You're beating up kids? His kids?" she asked amusedly. "Damn, Clarence! Just when I think you couldn't possibly get any hotter. You certainly know how to make my nethers quiver."

"Shut up Meg." Both men spoke at the same time, eyes locked on each other. Meg just rolled her eyes.

"Your kids are morons Dean. Maybe if you spent more time being a Dad and less time being the precious Alpha, they'd know enough to not wipe out a man's stash and then stick around to watch his reaction."

Dean was visibly upset at the insult, but he gave a terse nod. "I've spoken with them about their behaviour and they are facing punishment but let's talk about your _stash_ ". Dean practically snickered the last word.

"If you are going to help me Cas, then I'm going to need you clear headed. We need to figure out a plan and you need to be coherent enough to see it through.

Castiel snorted and ran a hand through his thick dark hair.

"What the hell for? They're only going to dope me up themselves. Besides, who said I was going to help you?"

"You're here."

It was almost a whisper from Dean but they all knew he was right. If Cas had no intention of helping Dean deal with the situation, he'd never have left the city and his boy-toy Luis. But he had come. As hard as he'd known it would be, as hard as it was to face his demons and his past, Castiel had left his half-a-life behind and come back to the pack.

"There is a meeting tonight in the old Council hall," Dean continued. "Most of the old gang – Jo, Ash, Garth – will be there. We're going to plan a strategy. Will you come?"

The old Council hall was the place they'd first met each other. It was the place that Castiel had first believed he'd found a safe haven in Dean. It was also the first memory of John that he had. Emotion roiled within him. He wasn't sure that he could deal with it. He wasn't sure that he'd ever be able to deal with it. Cas felt like vomiting.

The seconds ticked by as Dean waited for an answer and he could read the indecision…no…the disinclination to attend, on Castiel's face.

"Fuck Cas!" Dean was impatient. "Man up and let's face this together!"

Castiel took a step forward in anger.

"Man up? Man up? Daddy's boy Dean Winchester is telling me to man up?" Castiel's rage was deep seated and his outburst was overdue. "Don't make me laugh. You were such a pussy that you needed Daddy's permission to decide where to stick your dick. You're telling me to man up?"

Meg leaned back in her chair thinking _I wish I had popcorn for this. Shit is about to get real!_

Dean made his way into the cabin and stood in the living area a few feet away from Cas. It was not rage that was driving him but frustration. He felt tired and frustrated that his relationship with Cas had been reduced to this. The person before him in no way resembled the beautiful, special cub that he remembered and loved. His mind was urging him to accept that this Cas was a stranger but his Wolf was resisting. It insisted that at core, his true mate was still housed in that body.

"Someone has to Cas." Dean retorted. "You've spent a lifetime hiding away from life, running from reality. Killing anything you might feel. You've spent your life suffocating any part of you that might actually care for something."

"What can I say Dean? Maybe I like how it feels not to feel."

Dean shook his head at this response. "You like how it feels….?" Dean was incredulous. "You like how it feels? Who the fuck are you man? The Castiel I know was the most caring person on the planet. He saw good in everyone and he brought out the good in everyone. He embodied love. He made me better just by existing! I look at you and wonder where the hell that wolf went! I can't begin to understand this thing you've become!"

" _This thing I've become_? Fuck you Dean!" Castiel was shouting now. "This _thing_ that I've become is a result of your handiwork! You promised me endless tomorrows and then you marry my sister; I came back for John's funeral, you know. I went to Anna first and I could smell you all over her. My goddamned sister! You knew how I felt about that and you went ahead and did it anyway. So forgive me if I want to dull the pain! Forgive me if I don't want to constantly feel that sense of betrayal!"

Dean felt his heart stop and then shatter. Cas had come back? He'd gone to Anna? She'd never said anything to him!

Castiel had taken a few steps closer to Dean in the midst of this tirade. He stopped and took a deep breath. "You know Dean, coming back here was a mistake. I find that I don't want to help you. You should suffer for your sins. You should face the punishment of losing Anna for the way you played me, knowing all the while you were going to marry her."

It was as if someone had shot a javelin right through his chest. Dean couldn't believe he was hearing these words from Cas.

"I should face punishment? I've been facing punishment for the last fifteen years Cas. Without the numbing effects of whatever your drug of choice is. I've been facing this stone cold sober every day for the last five thousand, six hundred and seventeen days Castiel. Your absence is a loss I've had to carry with me as if my limbs were amputated. I've been so useless without you. The only reason I’m still hanging on is I owe the twins some sort of father figure. But every day I wake up is a day that I'm miserable."

Dean turned and walked away. He picked up a lamp shade that had been knocked off the lamp and replaced it on the wire frame. Then he turned back to Cas with eyes that were suspiciously wet.

"What am I being punished for Cas?" Dean asked. "I promised you that as long as we stood together, there was nothing we couldn't face and conquer. I promised you that there would be no marriage to Anna or anyone else until we had worked out our situation together and we agreed on what happened next."

"You see Cas, I believed in us. I believed in our love. I believed in what you called _Our Profound Bond_! I wasn't the faithless one." Dean shook his head. "Oh no Cas! That title does not belong with me. I came back to find my father on the verge of death from wounds the likes of which no one had ever seen before and screaming to all who would listen that _you'd_ killed him. But I didn't lose faith in you. I could smell traces of you on him. Everyone could. But when they told me to honour his deathbed wish, I held out."

"I told them NO. I was sure you'd come to me and that there was an explanation for what happened. We were seeing and doing all sorts of crazy things back then….maybe it was an accident."

Castiel looked away guiltily at that supposition. Dean pretended not to notice.

"I told them that I wasn't doing anything until I spoke with you," Dean continued. "Three days Cas. Do you know what it's like to watch someone you love in utter agony for three fucking days knowing that you had the power to end it but couldn't because you were waiting on someone else. Can you even begin to imagine what it feels like to have your mother beg… _beg_ you to put her mate out of his intense pain…to end the torture she felt watching him suffer so? To tell my brother…and you know exactly what Sammy means to me….that I was choosing you over him, over the rest of my family even if it meant prolonging the incredible suffering my father was undergoing?"

"John deserved to suffer. Whatever agony he endured, he deserved it." Castiel's voice was emotionless and clinically cold and felt like a knife plunged deep into Dean's heart.

"And what about me? Did I deserve to suffer? You keep holding Anna over my head but the truth is Cas, I never lost faith in you or in us. It was _you_ who _abandoned_ _me_. You were the one who decided that whatever happened, you couldn't work it through with me. You left me and I had to pick up the pieces as best I could. To hear that you did come back, but not to me….you came back and went to Anna…well that just says it all doesn't it? Anna knew she and I agreed that after she conceived, there'd be nothing else between us. That it was my intent to be true to you. Well the joke's on me Cas. I've had 2 lovers in my 34 years of existence and I can count on my fingers the number of times I've been with Anna."

Dean walked right up to Cas, right into his personal space. "I…Am Not…The Faithless Bitch…Here."

He turned and walked to the door. "Make up your mind one way or another Cas. Help me or get the hell out. In fact help me and then get the hell out. I'm not punishing myself any longer for the sins of others. Not my father's, not Anna's and not yours."

With that he left.

Castiel was stunned. He sank to the ground and sat legs crossed with his head in his hands. In all the years he'd been bleeding emotionally over Dean's defection, it had never occurred to him that he was responsible for it. He'd never even considered that Dean would understand or forgive what went down between John and himself. He'd never even thought that Dean would choose him over everything and everyone else. After all how many times did he ask Dean to elope and Dean had told him he couldn't, he wouldn't. But it seemed that when the shit hit the fan, Dean had remained steadfast in his belief that they could work through things together. Crap! His bitch of a sister never even told him about that when he came back. Castiel mourned a moment for the loss of whatever bond he and Anna shared as children that _she_ could betray him like that. All these years lost, no…destroyed because he let them be.

Castiel may have hated his life before now but he pretty much hated himself just then.

He felt rather than saw, Meg sit down next to him. When he looked up at her, she passed him a lit joint.

"Don't process anything right now," she encouraged. "Just let it sit for a while. There'll be time enough later on for all that shit."

He took a long drag on the joint and passed it back to Meg, grateful for her presence, grateful he wasn't alone right now. She cupped his face and then planted her mouth on his, inhaling the smoke from his lungs into hers. She leaned back and blew it out into the air above her. Passing the joint back to Castiel she said,

"You know Clarence, if you decide on jumping into the fray here, I have access to Naomi's lab. It goes against everything I believe in but….I can help you break them out."


	10. Chapter 10

" _Megstiel_?"

Castiel rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Dean actually said that? Mr.-Alpha-Not-Into-Celebrity-Trends Dean Winchester referred to my relationship with Meg as 'Megstiel'?"

Mary Winchester laughed out loud. She'd missed Castiel and even though she'd heard he was back, given the way things had ended back then, she honestly did not expect him to visit her.

Castiel, however, knew the minute he set out to return to this small town and the settlement in the woods just outside of it that he'd find himself on Mary's doorstep. He was just grateful that she'd moved out of the settlement and into a small single storey home in the town. It made things cleaner.

Had it been only yesterday that he'd had the confrontation with Dean at the cabin? It seemed like a lifetime away. He didn't go to the strategy session with Dean and _the gang_. He didn't need to. Whatever plans Dean was working on, whatever reasons Dean brought him back for, it didn't matter. He had his own plans and he'd get Dean his family back and then he was gone, gone, gone.

Mary watched the far-away look in Castiel's eyes and knew instinctively that he was thinking about Dean. Her heart broke a little for the two young boys she remembered, so wrapped up in each other that they never saw the danger until it had already taken its toll.

Dean had come by after the meeting the previous night, upset that Cas didn't show and worn down by the enormity of the task before him. She had been against Castiel's return – vocally so, and many of the pack believed that it had to do with Castiel's role in her husband's death. It didn't. As a mother, she knew what being around Cas again would to Dean; what it would do to them both. She didn't think either of them would handle it well.

Last night, her son cried himself to sleep on her couch, his head in her lap. The last time he'd done that was when he was four years old and he'd lost his favourite blanket in a fire. Dean wept for everything he'd lost in his life. He'd wept for Cas. She'd held him as he emptied out and at the end of it, when he was fast asleep, she cried.

She cried because she knew that all these years, he'd still held on to that sliver of hope, that possibility however remote. When Cas chose not to go to the meeting, he finally let it go. Sure enough, when Dean woke that morning, his eyes were a little duller, his voice a little colder and his stance a little more rigid. He set off with resolve and it scared her.

When Castiel turned up, she welcomed him cautiously but warmly. They'd started with causal conversation. You know…the usual 'so what have you been doing?' and the 'did you hear about X?' and the "what's next for you" type thing. They were skirting the questions they really wanted to ask; hiding from the things they really wanted to say. Then came the questions about Meg and their relationship. That had surprised Mary though she didn't know why.

"Meg is…" Castiel hesitated. "Meg is a surprise to me. We understand each other now in a way that I couldn't before. She is there for me in a way that is…unexpected but I suppose welcome."

Mary looked at him, seeing something new reflected on his face.

"You care for her," she stated softly.

Cas gave a lopsided smile. "Don't ask me why I do but yes I guess I do."

He took a deep breath after deciding there was never going to be an appropriate segue into why he was there.

"Mary," he began. "I need to apologise for the harm I've done to you."

She did not pretend to misunderstand him.

"So it's true." Her voice was barely a whisper. "You did kill him."

Castiel cast his eyes downward, unable to look at the only mother figure he remembers. He nodded.

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so very sorry."

Mary did not say anything in response and Cas tried to sort his words out in his head. He'd though about it from time to time – what he'd ever say to Mary and Sam if he had the opportunity but he could never come up with anything. He studied the tips of his boots as he struggled with what to say and how mush to tell her about what happened that night.

"I'm sorry too Castiel" she finally replied softly. She walked up to him and put her arms around him, startling him with her tenderness. "I never wanted you to get hurt either."

Castiel broke down. He wrapped his arms around her and emotions he'd been suppressing for too, too long just gushed past his eyes and his lips and he sobbed out ugly wet sounds.

For the second time in less than 24 hours, Mary held one of her boys as they cleansed their souls.

…

Sam felt surprisingly clear headed. He sat up on the bed and swung his legs down. Sam looked around the tiny Spartan room that had served as his cage for the past….he didn't know how many…months. There were no windows. It could not have been more than 8 feet by 10 in size and contained only a twin bed with a metal frame, a bucket that served as a make shift toilet and the fluorescent light that flickered overhead. He'd spent most of his time here unconscious or in a haze. He knew that they injected him with some sort of suppressant to keep him from shifting which was what was knocking him out. So why was he cognisant now?

On a hunch, he reached inside him to his wolf and could feel the shift energy ripple through him gently. Yes! His wolf was coming back. If he could get enough energy back before his next shot, he might be able to contact Dean. Hope poked through his desolation like a tiny plant shoot climbing through the crack on a sidewalk – determined but fragile and very much at risk.

He heard the sounds of the door opening and lay back down quickly, facing the wall. If they figured out he was becoming aware, they may up the dosage or drug him with greater frequency. He did not want that. He lay perfectly still, breathing in slow deep breaths as if he were deeply asleep.

He heard the sounds of something, perhaps a chair being dragged into the room and the door being locked again. He sensed someone sitting down behind him, watching him as he lay on the bed.

"C'mon Moose, I know you're not sleeping."

_Meg?_ He thought. What the hell sort of game was she playing now? He continued to stay still not wanting to give anything away.

"Really Moose? You're going play it this way?" Meg laughed. "Moron, I switched out your shots with fakes last night. Your last two shots were nothing but saline solution, so I know that you're awake and aware."

With surprising speed and aggression, Sam flipped over and launched off the bed, grabbing Meg by the throat, knocking her and the chair over. Her head hit the floor hard and beagn throbbing instantly. When she looked up into Sam's angry eyes however, a delicious thrill shivered through her.

"Whoa there you giant oaf," she teased. "As much as the thought of a little rough play with you is beginning to soak my panties, we don't have the time."

Sam growled in response and his wolf began to rise to the surface.

"Oh no you don't, you oversized jackass," Meg warned. "If you shift, it will ruin everything I've set up to get you out of here. So calm the fuck down, let me the fuck up and pay close fucking attention to every word I say. Both our lives depend on it."

Sam and his wolf looked Meg in the eye. They couldn't for the life of either figure out what her game was, why she was helping, but Sam was smart enough to know he needed help. So he'd play along. For a bit at least. He let go of her throat and step aside.

Meg got up, dusted herself off and looking right at him, grinned.

"Castiel sent me," she said.

 

Dean sat on the flat rock at the water hole watching the light fade into evening. He'd not had a productive day. Having accepted that he had to let go of Cas, he felt broken. Not the painful wrenching emotion of fifteen years ago but the tired, worn out broken of someone who has fought too long without gaining ground.

There were times in the years without Cas when he'd wondered what his life would have been like if he'd listened to Cas's fears and eloped to parts unknown. He would have been blissfully in love and fulfilled on so many levels.

He never regretted becoming a father and he would never give his boys up but he was aware that they'd not be if he'd done what Cas asked. Never having children is different from giving them up, right? It would not have been as if he'd abandoned them or killed them if they never existed, so, he told himself, he would have been okay without them. He'd have never known the joy they brought to his life, but really…you can't miss what you don't know.

But he knew Mary. He knew his mother's touch and her smile and her voice and her scent. There would have been times when he'd have missed that. He knew Sam, the annoying bitch. He lived for his baby brother. He'd have missed him. He knew John. As flawed as his father was, for all the mistakes he made and the demands he placed on Dean, Dean would have missed his father. And as much as he loved Cas, he would eventually have resented him for all that he'd have given up. Maybe not for the first year or the next five or fifty but Dean knew what family meant to him, he'd have been miserable eventually.

He got up to leave but something about the watering hole called to him. The little oasis surrounded by stark rock and unforgiving forest, had represented everything that was good about him and Cas. They played here, loved here, learned each other here and learnt about themselves here. Now he was going to have to leave this behind too. There was no way he could ever come here and not yearn for a life with Cas; for the man himself. As fucked up as Cas was now, Dean would still take him in a heartbeat. He smirked at his thoughts. From powerful Alpha to pathetic Alpha…how the mighty have fallen.

In a rare show of spontaneity, Dean stripped down to the buff and unhurriedly waded into the water. It was still warm from the sun. He walked in until the water level was at his chest and then he bent his knees and crouched down below the surface of the water. Keeping his movements gradual, he stood back up and then used his hands to push the wetness and his hair back, out of his face. And then he went still.

Standing on the rock next to his pile of clothes was Castiel. Cas was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and combat boots. He stood there, hands in his front pockets, shoulders slouched and head tilted to the side as he watched Dean in the water. Dean remained shock still. His brain told him he should say something. His Wolf told him to move his ass out of the water and closer to Cas but Dean just stood there paralyzed by a myriad of emotion, desire and fear.

Cas was looking at him with such an intensity that he felt his skin warm and tingle. His Wolf was restless within him, preferring action over thought. Dean still didn't move, still hadn't broken the eye contact. And then the impossible (or maybe that's improbable) happened.

Cas looked away and the sense of loss Dean felt was almost immediately replaced by a sense of wonder and the zing of anticipation. Cas began to kick off his boots and toe off his socks. Gripping the hem of his t-shirt, Castiel slowly pulled it up over his torso, revealing his lean but muscled chest inch by delicious inch. Dean's hard on was instantaneous. _What the hell?_ He thought. Casting the t-shirt aside, Cas's hands reached for the button on his jeans and Dean began wishing the water was several degrees cooler. Cas stood on the rock as naked as he was and Dean had to use every ounce of his will power to keep from finishing right there and then.

As unhurriedly as Dean did, Cas walked into the water towards Dean, not stopping until he was right up next to Dean, right in his personal space as he'd been a million times before and a million lifetimes ago. Cas lifted his hand to cup Dean's face tenderly and Dean released the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding as he felt the brush of that hand against his cheek. He lifted his hand from the water and trailed his own fingers along Cas's shoulders and upper arm. He felt like bursting with joy from just those simple touches. But they weren't enough. They could never be enough for him and Cas.

He gripped Cas's arms gently with both hands and tentatively lowered his head to Castiel's as his eyes gazed into Cas, searching for a reason that Cas came to him but not caring really what it may be. He was too sunk in the presence of Cas.

Just as his lips were about to touch Cas's, the hand that was cupping his cheek shifted and tightened, stopping any further progress. His eyes again searched Cas's for a reason while pleading with Cas.

Cas's hand slid back, fingers sliding through Dean's hair.

"This changes nothing," Cas growled before tightening his grip on the back on Dean's head.

Dean swallowed and then nodded.

Cas pulled his mouth down for a brutal kiss. Dean's Wolf rejoiced though it was a little unclear on who was claiming whom.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rewrite of the chapter because I hated it. I'm not the most dedicated writer or the most disciplined. Some people will craft their stories like works of art and the effort they put into it shows. My writing is more like a dump of what's in my head. I've lost readers because of it. Even so, the last chapter was forced because it had been so long since I updated and I felt like I had to. I couldn't write the next chapter because this one didn't sit well with me. So I've re-written it and it feels a little more like my style. By no means perfect but just a little more me. Hope you think it's better than the last version.

 

Dean woke slowly and lazily the next morning awareness coming to him behind closed eyes. He lay there in bed, lids too heavy with the remnants of a sated sleep to open and indulged his other senses. His hand slid across the empty expanse of rumpled sheets searching for but not finding Castiel.  They were still warm though as if only just vacated and this comforted him. The room was quiet but he could hear the sounds of Cas moving around in the next room; not his footfalls but the clinking of metal and glass, the sound of a running faucet being shut off and the opening and closing of cupboards. Cas was making coffee perhaps? He breathed in deeply and the scent of sex and Cas and wolf filled his nose. He smiled. Life was good. Opening his eyes, Dean found that the day looked brighter, sharper, better than it had in a very long time.

He rolled to the side of the bed and swung his legs down and was surprised to find his movements charged with an energy that was vibrant and new. _Cas._ Being with Cas made him better in every way. The night before, he could barely function thinking that he’d lost Cas… that he’d lost the hope of Cas…forever. But then Cas turned up at the watering hole and everything changed.

In his almost 35 years of existence, Dean had only the two lovers. He’d gone immediately from being with Cas to being married and even though there were times when he couldn’t stand the sight of his wife, he’d never cheated on her. So in his life Dean had made love and he’d had sex and he was very aware of the difference between both.  Sex was pleasurable; the coiled tension, the blissful release, the climb to fulfillment and the attaining of it. That’s why there are so many casual hook ups all over the world.  Sometime you didn’t even need to be attracted to the individual. Sometimes the bigger part of it was in your head.

But when your heart was involved…. _Damn._ When your heart’s involved the entire game changes, the entire experience is heightened. Every touch, every sensation is just so much more. Last night reminded him of just how much more.

In his fifteen years away, Cas had learnt all sorts of tricks and Dean found himself the grateful recipient of Cas’s fount of knowledge.  Standing there in the water, they’d battled for domination, twisting, pulling, grabbing; their mouths and hands and cocks were weapons they used on each other, inflicting pleasure like wounds. Dean had thought he’d go insane with the intensity of his desire.  Dean was ready to claim Castiel right there on the flat rock where it all began but Cas had other plan.

“Take me home Dean,” he’d whispered against Dean’s mouth. “For once let’s share a bed for the entire night.”

They’d held hands whilst making their way through the woods to Dean’s house.  They moved quickly, urgently with the exception of those little detours where Dean would push Cas up against a tree and take his mouth in a fit of passion igniting make-out sessions that threatened whether or not they’d make their way back to the house before making their way inside each other.  Eventually though, they did find their way to Dean’s house.

Dean would be surprised if Cas saw any of the home on his way to the bedroom, they were moving so fast.  But then they were in his room, the room where he’d been celibate for far too long and they smashed that record with an intensity that Dean was still feeling that morning.

 As teens, Dean was very much the Alpha in their relationship. Dean took and Cas gave. Dean doled out pleasure and Cas received it happily.  So it was a revelation to find that in the intervening years that Cas had adopted the role of Dominant. Dean’s body fell into familiar patterns but Castiel did not allow it, fighting Dean for control and winning it as Dean fell victim to the element of shock rather than surprise.

Too many years had passed since Cas had bared his neck for an Alpha. Plus in the decade and a half that he lived away from the pack, Cas never bottomed. Not for anyone. It wasn’t something he did after Dean and as his body took over, he refused to bottom for Dean as well. 

The first time, they came in each other’s mouths.  Cas had swallowed Dean’s cock whole, playing with Dean’s ass with wet fingers the entire time. As he came Cas pressed in and immediately hit Dean’s prostate causing his spent cock to spasm even further. Dean had never had an orgasm like that. Shattered, he lay on the bed as Cas turned around and crawled back up to kiss him. Dean wrapped his arms around the naked Cas and wondered if he was dreaming. He wondered if he’d wake alone in the morning to find that it had never happened. That thought had him tightening his hold on the smaller man.

 If Cas noticed, he gave no indication but set about kissing and licking Dean and it wasn’t long before they were both achingly aroused again. Cas had retrieved a small tube of lube from his pants which lay carelessly cast aside on the floor, close to the door and before Dean could protest, he was pushing his lubed up fingers into Dean scissoring him open to receive him. Dean protested, trying to take the lube away from Cas in what became an erotic wrestling match. Dean lost that round and found himself on his belly with a cock in his ass for the first time in his life. After the initial burn and discomfort wore off, he loved the weight of Cas on him, loved the feeling of fullness of having Cas in him and god how he loved the friction of Cas’s cock against his prostate as it sawed in and out of him. He came in violent spurts all over the sheets as Cas emptied himself inside of Dean.  Dean had always thought the feel of a man’s spunk leaking out of him would gross him out. But this was Castiel. There was nothing uncomfortable about it.

The last time they came together was a revelation for Dean. He was roused from sleep by Cas tying his hands to the iron wrought headboard. Cas slowly slid into him for the second time, but aware that he was new to this moved carefully, almost tenderly within him. It was the tenderness that did him in. Laying on his back with Cas between his legs, looking down at him, Dean wept. It felt as if finally, they’d destroyed all the barriers between them and it wasn’t simply mind blowing sex but finally they were making love. He begged Cas for his turn; for Cas to let him, Dean, love Cas this way but Cas just continued stroking Deans cock in time with his thrusts.  Dean pleaded and cajoled. He spouted words of love and secret dreams and hopes he’d held on to over the years; Words of hope and fears and feelings that he’d forgotten how to feel. He closed his eyes to keep the tears from spilling over. And then when he’d thought Cas was about to come, that it was over, Cas stopped and untied him. He rolled them over so Dean was seated between Cas’s legs and pulling his knees up, he guided Dean’s cock into him.

Dean slid all the way to the hilt in a single slow thrust. He was home. He was finally home. He brought his head down next to Cas and as he began to move within Cas’s body, the tears began to flow freely from the sheer beauty of finally being with the man he loved once more in the way that he loved him. There was much to be said for a good hard fuck but even more for the physical expression of love it was meant to be.  He looked at Cas and found that he could not tell if the wetness coating  it came from Cas, from him or from both.

Dean took his mouth in a searing kiss that tasted of Cas and their mingled tears. This time the loving was slow, both men stretching it out for as long as they could and when Dean came, moments after Cas did, it wasn’t the powerful release of earlier in the night. Instead it was a soft flow of pleasure like a cup running over, unable to hold it all in.  His wolf surprised him by knotting Cas. This didn’t usually happen outside of Wolfen form but Dean was happy for any excuse to prolong the connection between them.  Reaching over, he found the blanket and pulled over their joined bodies.  He rolled over so Cas’s weight was on him and they both drifted off into sated but exhausted sleep.

Now, in the morning, Dean got out of bed and savored the pleasurable soreness of his body. Forcing himself to move because he did not want to waste a moment of any time he could spend with Cas, he threw on a pair of sweat pants and went to join his lover in the living room.

Cas had indeed made coffee. The aroma hit him before he even walked out the bedroom, He found Cas sitting in his recliner, legs curled up beneath him with his fingers cradling a mug.

“G’morning” Dean walked over to him and bent down to plant a kiss on him. His lips found only cheek as Cas turned his face away.

He pulled back confused. “What hell Cas?”

Looking agitated and possibly in need of a smoke, Cas got up and walked over to the other side of the room which served as a dining area. He stood, placing the table between them.  The message to Dean could not have been clearer but Cas proceed to clarify anyway.

“Last night was last night Dean. “ He said. “Now, I just want to finish my coffee, say my goodbye to you and then I’m gone.”

His heart wasn’t fractured. His heart wasn’t broken. Dean knew this because even fractured or broken, you’d be able to feel the pain in what was left of that organ.  Dean simply could not feel his heart any longer. He was just left with the area of numb where your heart should have been. Disintegrated, perhaps? If all that was left of heis heart was dust, then maybe that’s why he didn’t feel anything.

He shook it off. There was no way he was letting Cas off easy. After last night, Cas couldn’t be serious about walking away. Again.

“Cas, don’t be like that.” He offered softly. “Last night changed things…”

“Last night changed nothing Dean.” Cas’s voice was firm. “You agreed going in.”

“Dammit Cas! I would have agreed to become a eunuch if it meant I got to be with you again. And maybe in the beginning, I believed it but you can’t tell me that after what we shared last …”

“What was that Dean?” Cas was definitely on edge now.  He paced like a caged tiger and watched Dean with eyes just as feral.  “So we shared some spit, some sweat and some spunk. It was a good time but I’ve had me lots of other good times. Want to know how many? You think it’s just you?”

Okay, so not disintegrated….after all you can’t shred what isn’t there and Castiel’s words were shredding his heart into ribbons.

“Don’t say that!” he shouted. “It meant more than that.”

One hand pressed against his chest as if to stave off the pain, Dean reached out with the other and held on the back of the recliner for support. He felt as if any second his bones would crumble and his body would cave into itself.

“I love you. I loved you last night. I made love to you with every touch.”

Dean’s voice was weak and broken and it pained Castiel. Dean’s anguish was like a solid thing lodged in his throat, choking him.

“Cas, you have to know that it meant…….everything. It fucking meant everything.”

Castiel relented. He’d been determined to draw a hard line. It had seemed the only way he could walk away from Dean after becoming lovers again. But he couldn’t, not with Dean looking the way he did. Not with Dean sounding the way he did.

“What do you want from me Dean?” he asked. “Do you want to hear that I love you? That it’s always been you and only you? You’re still the only man to have ever been inside me?”

“I don’t care about the others Cas.” Dean sniffled. “I thought it would matter but I don’t care who, how many or why. Yes I need to know you love me. If we love each other, nothing else matters.”

Cas drank down the last of his coffee and walked to stand in front of Dean. Very gently, he took Dean’s hand and laced their fingers together.

“I wish that were true Dean.  Knowing that we love each other, loving each other like we did last night, only makes it worse. We are god-forsaken proof that Love isn’t always enough.”

“I will always love you Dean but too much has happened…too much as passed. We are not those kids anymore and their dreams cannot be lived by the men we’ve become. I’m not ….”

Castiel stumbled, unable to voice that he no longer felt good enough for Dean, that he wasn’t pure enough. He was too broken and Dean deserved better. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself”

“I’m sorry Dean. I can’t be with you. This time though, I won’t leave you wondering. This is goodbye Dean.  Goodbye”

The last word was barely more than a whisper.

Dean’s Wolf howled within him, the sound rising up within Dean and forcing itself out as a strangled cry of pain. Cas looked away, unable to stand the pain emanating from Dean.  He began to say something when the front door burst open causing both men to turn to it.  Standing in the doorway were Meg and Sam. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Yeah, still not a smut writer, so didn't change much there. If anyone wants to give me pointers, they'd be most appreciated!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this update took this long because I was working on my dismal smut skills. I went with M/F this round. Feedback please. I'm happier with this one but I can't really judge.

Keeping her face angled away from him, she watched him sideways, from the corner of her eyes. He confused her and for the first time in her life Meg was feeling hope. She was scared to want him the way she did. That he seemed to be returning some measure of affection for her was downright terrifying.  When she thought she didn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell with him, she could use sarcasm and humor as a defense but now…..now she wanted what she wanted but didn’t know what to do with that want.

She’d taken a huge risk in springing Sam from Naomi’s lab. She’d known that helping Castiel was the equivalent of signing a death warrant with Crowley. Only, after he caught up with her, he’d probably make her beg for death. However she figured that Castiel would not be sticking around this hick town and that she’d skip with him, hide out for a while and enjoy whatever time she’d have with Cas. Being with Castiel had been the one girlish dream she’d ever had and how stupid was it, that no matter how old you got, some girlish things stay with you forever.

Except now, he’d messed it up. Faced with a choice of Dean and her, Castiel had chosen her. He’d turned her entire existence in on itself and the ass just sat there in the rubble that used to be his living area, eating a bowl of cereal.

When she’d brought Sam to Dean’s home like they’d planned, she could smell the sex, the anger and the passion. Stuff was happening between Cas and Dean. She’d not been surprised. It was inevitable but a girl had a right to be put out just a little. She’d put her neck out for Cas and he was off fucking Dean so she put up her walls right away.

As Dean lurched forward to embrace a still weak Sam and guide him to the sofa, Castiel had walked over to her and pulled her into his arms.

“Are you okay?” his voice was soft with concern.

She would have been if the scent of the Alpha was not burning its way up her nose and searing itself into her brain.

“Holy shit Clarence, you fucked the Alpha?” If her laugh sounded just a little unnatural, it could have simply been disbelief and not hurt feelings. “Why didn’t you wait for me? I’d have wanted in on that.”

“Meg.”  It was a single word, no more than a growl really but it held a heavy note of warning.

“Fine.” She stretched out the syllable as if it were three rather than one. “At the very least I should have been allowed to watch.”

She effected an exaggerated pout but only got a stern look from Cas for her efforts.

“So….ummm…What happens now?” she’d asked.

By this time Dean had settled Sam on the sofa and looked up at them both from where he was kneeling next to his brother.

“Yeah, Cas….what happens now?”

Castiel had reached over and taken Meg’s hand in his own and clasped it tightly. Looking at Dean with an expression that gave away nothing, he replied,

“You have your brother back Dean. Sadly your wife did not survive. I’ve done what I came here to do. Now Meg and I will leave your lives and begin ours.”

Here he’d paused and swung those brilliant blues to pin Meg with a very Castiel gaze. She’d been sure she was going to disintegrate from the intensity. Dean on the other hand had looked pissed. He had reason to be. For the first time in his life, he was on the outside looking at the infamous Castiel eye-sex instead of being its recipient.

“You’re serious about her?” he’d asked. “After everything we’ve shared; after last night; after knowing that I’m a widower and we can fucking finally have our life? OUR LIFE Castiel! The one we dreamed about for so long. “

Cas had turned to look at Dean and Meg could see the caring in his eyes for Dean as he did so. Dean however must have seen something different. Perhaps he’d mistaken the caring for pity.

“You choose her?” his tone was just short of scornful.

“I do,” Cas had replied and Meg forgot how to breathe.

For a second, Dean had looked as if he was going to break down and beg Castiel to reconsider but it was only for an instant and then the cold clinical Alpha look that most Wolfen associated with the Winchester packmaster settled onto Dean’s feature.

“Then take your bitch and get the fuck out of my house.”

Dean had turned his back on them and returned to tending to Sam.  She’d thought that maybe Castiel would have said something to soften the moment but he hadn’t. Tugging her hand, he guided her out of the house and it wasn’t until they were almost at his cabin that he said to no one in particular but presumably to her,

“He’s hurt. He doesn’t mean it. But I can’t fix it. I can’t fix him. I can only try to fix me.”

Or maybe he had been saying it to himself.

So here they were, in his cabin, with him sitting on a ripped up sofa with a bowl of cold milk and cereal in his hand and her, sitting on the edge of the long wooden dining table, watching him through peripheral vision with her fear and mistrust of commitment clogging up her head and her heart.

Castiel could scent her emotions and it irritated him. He’d made his choice and perhaps he needed to reinforce that decision in a way she could understand. His Wolf which had been pushing boundaries, trying to force a shift, fed off that irritation and passion and surged forward but only succeeded in altering the shade of his eye colour. It was enough. He stalked over to her and stood directly in front of her, invading her personal space.

Cas's expression and posture emanated a dominant vibe. He leaned forward suddenly, his hands coming to rest on the table on either side of her. His movement caused her to fall onto her flat on her back – a subconscious demonstration of submission.   
  
Meg could feel her pulse spike and her breathing become erratic.  
  
Cas leaned down, burying his face in her cleavage, nuzzling her breasts. Gripping the fabric in his teeth, he tore through her blouse, buttons scattering everywhere. He was annoyed by her bra covering his prize so he ripped the cups aside and spread them open.

Feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable, Meg crossed her arms over her breasts instinctively and earned a ferocious growl from Cas. His hands came up and took her wrists, dragging her arms over her head and pinning them to the tabletop.  
  
He leaned down, and touched the tip of his long tongue to one of her nipples, slowly licking the hard nub. Meg’s senses were going wild. A soft moan escaped her throat. Wanting to regain some control, she weakly struggled against his hold on her wrists. The combination of his warm, wet tongue and the cool morning temperature was driving her insane.   
  
Cas alternated between nipples as he let go of her wrists and his hands snaked their way to her waist.   
  
Lost in her pleasure, Meg paid no attention to his hands until she recognized the rasp of her jeans zipper being pulled open and felt the jeans sliding down her hips. This brought her back to her senses briefly, and again trying to regain some measure of control, she attempted to push his hands off her waist. His sharp growl however made her grip the edge of the table instead. Cas tugged her jeans down her legs and off of her and cast them to the floor without a second look. With a quick yank, he snapped her panties off and they joined her jeans on the floor.  
  
She was now completely nude.  
  
He stretched up and suddenly pressed a hard kiss on her mouth. Startled she gasped and he took the opportunity to press his tongue into her. His tongue was hot and moist and soft and she could live forever on the taste of it. She did not know how or when exactly he’d stepped out of his sweat pants but she was definitely aware of him, long, hot, and hard, brushing  against her inner thigh.  
  
Meg felt more turned-on than she had ever been in her life. His aggression was the most potent aphrodisiac she’d ever encountered. Her pussy was wet with anticipation, and as his cock brushed against its lips, she let out sensuous moan.  
  
Grabbing her waist, Castiel flipped her over onto her stomach, and used his feet to kick her legs spread open. An off-the-charts mix of pleasure and pain exploded in her as he quickly thrust into her glistening quim. A sound that was part grunt and part cry of pleasure escaped from her lips. She clamped her mouth and eyes shut quickly as if in an attempt to contain all the bliss. Cas began to pump in and out of her warm wetness , hard fingers gripping her hips firmly enough to bruise, as he leaned over her, his body covering hers. She couldn’t keep it in however. It was just too much for her and her soft cries and moans filled the air.  
  
Meg curled her fingers around the edge of the table for grip and bucked her hips in time with his thrusts, in a rhythm of lustful rutting. Sex had never felt this way before. Without even realizing it, she had started begging, "Oh, please…please don't stop…God, this feels so good…"   
  
He placed his lips to her ear and whispered, “I won’t. You’re mine Meg. You belong with me. You belong to me.”

Those words combined the feel of her breasts scraping against the table beneath her, only heightened her arousal. Her entire body felt like it was on fire. Her moans became louder and louder until they were no longer moans but screams. The walls of her pussy clamped down tight , trying to pull him deeper inside of her.  
  
He increased the rate of which he pounded into her, the thrusts shaking her entire body. Low rough grunts punched out of his throat with each thrust, as he shoved in deeper and deeper into her hot, eager pussy.  
  
When the first orgasm hit her, wave after wave of pleasure rippling through her body had her aching and twisting almost unnaturally. She squealed, pleading for more as his hips slammed against hers over and over. Cas and his wolf were close, and after a few more thrusts, he howled as his seed spilled out of his cock into her in blissful release. The heat of his cum inside her sent Meg spiraling into a second orgasm, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, gripping his hair desperately as her pussy spasmed around his member. Resting his body lightly and tenderly on top of hers, Cas partially supported himself with his forearms, his knot preventing him from withdrawing immediately.  
  
They lay like that for some time, Cas planting tender kisses on her lips and face. He whispered soft words of affection, reassurance and promise to her and Meg had never felt so at peace. _Yes,_ she thought, she _did belong with him and to him_. When he was able to, Cas withdrew his softening cock, scooping her up into his arms. He took her to the bedroom and placed her on the mattress which was still on the floor and not the bed-frame. He found a blanket and lying down next to her, he covered them both before drawing her into his arms. Meg’s entire body felt alive and buzzed, so it was a surprise to her, that there in his arms, she drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

When Meg woke mid-afternoon, she was still sore and aching from their earlier lovemaking. She blushed at her thoughts _. Lovemaking_. She’d never done that before despite her extensive experience. She rolled over to her side and looked at Cas who was also on his side facing her. He was awake and looking at her.

“Hey,” her voice wasn’t shy, she told herself. She didn’t do shy.

Cas gave her a lopsided grin and then reached to cup the back of her neck with his hand, pulling her in for a passionate kiss. When he broke apart a little later, he pressed his forehead against hers and nuzzled their noses intimately.

“We’re going to be great together Meg.” He whispered. “We already are.”

She could feel his breath against her lips, a slight watery burn to her eyes and a delicate tremble in her muscles. She pressed a quick kiss against his mouth before rolling over and scooting off the mattress taking the blanket with her.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. You can join me if you like” She looked back smirking as she walked away wrapped in the blanket as if it were a ball gown.

Heedless of his nudity, Cas was on his feet and following her in seconds. The quick shower turned into a long one.

By the time evening had rolled around, Castiel and Meg had settled in some semblance of domesticity. They’d cooked together, eaten together and were in the process of tidying up the cabin together. Neither had yet brought up a plan for the future. Meg wanted to ask but she knew well enough to just let it slide. Castiel wanted to talk about it, to reassure her, but he wasn’t exactly sure what their future looked like.

He would have to get rid of the cabin if they were leaving. It was the sensible thing to do. It wasn’t a question of selling it, though the money would come in handy, but simply of handing it over to the pack, to be passed on to the next wolf in need of a home. The trouble was he wasn’t sure he was ready to let go of it just yet. He’d been packing up his past in the boxes in his mind since he got there and now that the heavy packing was almost done, he was loathe to wrap up the sentimental trinkets. That’s what the cabin was…sentiment. It was the only place he could remember calling home. Now that it was time to move on, Cas felt emotional.

He put down the garbage bag he’d been filling with broken pieces of his past life and walked over to Meg where she stooped, sweeping up the finer debris in a scoop. As she stood up, he just wrapped his arms around her waist and ducked his head into the curve of her neck and shoulder. Suddenly he felt as if he were once again, just a cub in the Pack master’s Council room, without home, without hope and without family save for the one person standing next to him. He said nothing to her but Meg instinctively returned his embrace, gently caressing his back in a soothing motion.

“What a peculiar pair we make,” she said as Cas just tried to burrow deeper.

Suddenly, a loud urgent knock at the door had them springing apart guiltily. Startled they looked at each other and then grinned like kids. They had nothing to feel guilty for. This was their life now. Together.

“You expecting company Clarence?”

Meg walked over to the door to greet whoever was on the other side.  When she stepped back, a young Wolfen couple entered the cabin.  Meg obviously recognized them. She wouldn’t have let them in otherwise. Castiel did not know them.

The blonde woman, who appeared to older than the dark haired male, spoke first.

“Castiel?” she asked. When he nodded, she glanced across at her companion and smiled in relief.

“My name is Hester,” the woman indicated. “This is Inias.”

She gestured towards the young man who had stepped forward trying to get a closer look at Cas.

“You don’t remember me but I remember you as baby. Inias and I are from your pack…”

“I have no pack.”  Castiel’s voice was hard.

“No Castiel. You do.”

Hester took a step forward but then paused. She was not a timid woman by any stretch of the imagination and she reminded Castiel of a warrior – not a foot soldier but a commander of troops. This was a woman used to battle.

“Who are you?” he asked, his head tilted to the side in question.

She did not pretend ignorance.

“I’m the current leader of what’s left of the Garrison wolves.  I have hidden and protected as many of us as I could, faking deaths when necessary. Naomi is my sister. She believes me dead and that works in my favour.”

Hester looked around the cabin. It was a long way from being restored but at least it was clean now. As her eyes came to rest on Castiel once more, she sighed.

“There are about forty of us left Castiel. It is time you took your place among us and help end the slaughter.”

Castiel was silent for several moments, his intense gaze boring into his visitors as he processed Hester’s words. There was one point where the young Inias looked like he was going to break the quiet but the lift of Hester’s fingers stopped the words in his throat. Hester for her part held Castiel’s stare.  Meg who had been standing to the side of the couple, walked slowly over to Castiel to stand with him.

“You would ask me to fight for you; you who left me in the woods to die?”

His voice was calm and steady but Castiel’s wolf was feeding off of his anger and was rising perilously close to the surface. When Hester said nothing but looked at him as if confused, Castiel continued to speak, his voice getter deeper and rougher with each word.

“I was a child. My sister was even younger and the Garrison abandoned us. The Winchesters believed that we remembered nothing but they were wrong. I remembered everything. I remember going to sleep that last night in the pack with no bedtime story for my sister but the urgent hushed tones of my parents who knew something big and terrible was looming. I remember waking up the next day in a clearing full of bodies, my sister and I coated in the blood of our kin. I waited for someone, anyone, from the Garrison to come save us. No one did.”

His voice remained even in tone but it was also cold. His eyes however shone brightly as if the sun itself was trapped behind them, bursting to get out. Meg could feel the energy waves radiating off of him. She reached across to touch him but he was hot to the touch and she drew back her hand with a hiss, her fingers branded by the energy smouldering beneath his skin. The sound she made drew his attention to her. Recognizing that she was hurt, Castiel switched immediately into concerned mode, his eyes returning to its usual blue and his skin its usual temperature.

He reached for her hand but she pulled it away reflexively.  Castiel stopped and watched her. He extended his hand and waited. She looked at him and even though she was still just a little afraid, she took it. Clasping her fingers in his own, he raised her hand and kissed where she was burnt. She smiled at the sight of him doing so.  Keeping her hand in his, Castiel turned back to Hester.

“The Garrison wolves left me for dead. Now they are dead to me.”

Hester shook her head no.

“That’s not what happened Castiel.” She said. “There was trouble brewing with the pack even back then. Our parents knew this. Naomi got her science ideas from my uncle. When he was younger, he was so skilled at everything; it was believed that he may have been the Angel Wolf. He spent his entire youth waiting for the Grace to kick in. Only, when you and Anna were children, it became evident that one of you possessed the Grace. No one was ever sure which child it was though.”

“When you slept that night, your parents had given you both a sleeping potion. They were planning on fleeing because my Uncle was obsessed with replicating the Grace through science. You’ve heard the story of the Goose who laid the Golden Eggs? Well my uncle wanted to open up you two tiny geese to see if he could figure out what made you tick. My parents were to help yours. Secretly of course. Only they couldn’t. My uncle had a small band of wolves and he pursued your parents and those that travelled with them. In the battle, your entire family was killed. You two escaped because my parents had hidden you and were travelling separately. Once they realized what happened, they knew they’d not be able to protect you. So they left you there on Winchester land, the last place my uncle would think to look for you as the Winchesters were feuding with us at the time.”

“They waited until you were found and until the Winchesters accepted you. They could not approach the Winchesters themselves for fear of discovery. Once they got back to the Garrison, they quietly spread word that your mother had sent you to stay with her pack in Boston.  It threw my uncle off your scent for years.”

Hester took a deep breath, as if she were stifling a great pain within her. “My parents could not anticipate that my sister would take up my uncle’s banner. Thank goodness they had never mentioned your whereabouts to anyone. It’s only been about the last five years or so that your story has come to light. Naomi has been....driven; single-minded in her focus. But whereas my uncle wanted the Grace for only him, my sister is convinced she is doing this to strengthen the pack.  I am sorry for the loss of your sister, Castiel.”

“I am sorry for the loss of yours Hester.”

Hester was taken aback. She’d not expected the keen insight. She loved Naomi. All of her happiest childhood memories were tied to Naomi. But that relationship was dead now. Now they stood on opposing ends of the battleground. She gave a terse nod of acknowledgement to Castiel.

Castiel sighed.

“Thank you for telling me what happened, he said. “I’d always wondered. Now it seems I owe my life to your parents. I am grateful for the risks they took to keep me alive but not enough to offer up what they risked so much to protect.”

“What are you saying?” This was the first Inias had spoken since entering the cabin. Castiel turned to gaze at him.

“I am saying I will not join you. I will not fight this battle. I will not pledge my allegiance to Hester.”

Hester and Inias looked at each other in disbelief. Meg squeezed Castiel’s fingers, a reminder of the support he had, should they press their case. It was Hester who responded.

“Pledge your allegiance to me? Castiel? You cannot pledge your allegiance to me. It is I who must submit to you.” She paused before adding “Alpha.”

“What?” Castiel was stunned. “You can’t be serious. I am nobody’s Alpha.”

Meg growled at this and yanked her hand from his. She couldn’t believe he was already discarding her.

He held up a placating hand. “I am not your Alpha. I am your mate. We are equal here Meg. That is all I meant.”

“You are the Garrison Alpha Castiel. You are my Alpha. You were always meant to be.” Hester spoke carefully. “The Angel Wolf is always the Alpha. This is your destiny and maybe it is not what you’d choose but you have a responsibility to your pack.”

She and Inias walked to the door and opened it. Looking back she signalled that he should follow.  Castiel ran his hand through his hair. He needed a joint to calm his nerves so badly his body was beginning to vibrate.

As he walked outside and stood in his front yard, he could see wolf after wolf slinking out of the forest. One by one they silently made their way to him. Each wolf sniffed his hand before assuming a place in the yard. They formed a circle around him, several rings deep and without fail, each wolf crouched down on its haunches, head low in a gesture of submission and allegiance to Castiel, Angel Wolf and Alpha of the Garrison pack.

He wanted to tell them to stop. He wanted to tell them to leave; that this could not be. He was never trained to be an Alpha. He wasn’t an Alpha.

_Aren’t you?_ His wolf asked. _You are naturally a dominant. You always top. And besides, you’re a prissy son of a bitch when you don’t get your way. This is us. This is who we are. Who we are meant to be!_

It had been so long since his wolf had spoken like this to him. Castiel found that he missed it. It dawned on him slowly that he was at peace with this and his wolf sensing victory, surged forward. Man and wolf lifted their voice upward in a bloodcurdling howl. The Garrison wolves rejoiced by adding their voices to it. On the porch Meg wrapped her arms around herself and told herself she was not afraid. The chorus of howls was definitely giving her the chills but she wasn’t going to let herself be afraid. 


End file.
